Healthy attitude

Diary Editor

Friday 8 April 2011

GOOD to see the healthy living message is finally hitting home in Glasgow.

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Ken Smith

Suzanne Wards was waiting for a prescription at her local chemist when a chap with a heroin addiction – in common parlance, a junkie – came in. “You in for your methadone?” asked the pharmacist, referring to the commonly prescribed heroin substitute.

“Aye,” the chap replied, before adding: “Mind, mine’s is sugar-free.”Purr-fect choiceELECTION news, and maverick politician and one-time reality TV star George Galloway is, of course, standing in Glasgow. Andy Young was walking along Gordon Street when he was stopped and asked if he would be voting for George. “Is that the fat guy who wore the cat suit?” he asked.“No that was Elvis Presley,” George’s party worker rather wittily replied.Geo-politicsNO wonder we all get a bit nervous when America gets involved in a war. Congressman Tom Marino, a recently elected far-right Republican congressman from Pennsylvania, was taking part in a debate on America’s involvement in bombing Libya when he declared: “Where does it stop? Do we go into Africa next?”Class system at workAeroplane seating continued. Jennifer Wilkie tells us she was waiting in the departure lounge of Boston airport for a flight to Glasgow when her husband, being annoying, told her to go up to the desk and try to get an upgrade.Shaking her head, she went up to the desk, and said sarcastically, as many Scottish women do: “His lordship was wondering about an upgrade.”She didn’t expect the woman behind the desk to squeal: “Oh my gawd, his lordship!” and promptly change their seats to first class.Scotch on the rocksTOMORROW we will call time on our pub stories. But as the owners of Glasgow whisky bar the Pot Still were putting up bottles of malt for the best stories, it would be remiss not to mention the bar itself. Says Rod Macdonald: “When I first came to Glasgow I was having a drink in the Park Bar with two friends. One of them insisted that we go to the marvellous Pot Still where they had hundreds of different bottles of whisky. He eventually persuaded us to get a taxi there, and I had a pint of lager, my other mate had a vodka and he had a Bacardi and coke.”Shaggy dog storyPETE Rose, owner of south side dog care emporium, Wizard Of Paws, was amused to receive a funny email about a dog. It wasn’t so much the content that made him smile but the fact that the funny story was also sent to a Mr Doug Walker.Back to the futureOUR tale of the chap wondering what happened to the flying cars and robots we were promised, reminds John Duffy: “I recall being at the Glasgow Garden Festival waiting for a nostalgic tram ride, and a woman said, ‘Remember the Science Exhibition in the Kelvin Hall? We queued up to see the future – and here we are, queuing up to get back to the past!’”We’re getting nostalgic here about the Garden Festival. Any stories?

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