Highland roots

Diary Editor

Wednesday 24 August 2011

YOU know you are getting old when musical icons such as Mick Jagger are not well known to the younger generation.

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Ken Smith

Jan Dalglish heard a young beauty therapist in Edinburgh expound: “So Jagger’s first name is Mick? I thought that was his last name, like ‘Mcjagger.’”

Says Jan: “Maybe she thought he was Scottish.”

Excuses, excusesTHE English riots were being discussed at an Ayrshire golf club this week, where one club member opined: “Did you hear the rioters in court arguing that ‘everyone else was doing it’, and ‘I needed more money’.“Well we’ve heard all these excuses before – from MPs.”You betAUSTRALIAN magician James Galea, performing his Fringe show, I Hate Rabbits, at The Green Room in Edinburgh, told his audience that DVDs of his show would be on sale after the show. He then reassured them: “Five pounds from every DVD sold tonight will be given to the casino back home.”Bounce backRANDOM Edinburgh Fringe gag: “My friend said he would give me a tenner if I did a bungee jump.“But I wasn’t falling for that.”Pause for thoughtALSO at the Fringe, Marcel Lucont’s chat show interview with Welsh comedian Elis James was interrupted by the fire alarm so he trooped outside with the audience and continued the chat outside a pizza restaurant in Victoria Street.But when he smugly asked the Welshman: “Is this the weirdest gig you’ve ever done?”, he replied: “Funnily enough I just finished a gig at the Pleasance where I was attacked by a group of Hibs fans after the show who didn’t like my accent.”Lost in translationREADER Phyllis Cleghorn in Stirling was going on holiday to Jersey and phoned her bank to let them know so that her credit card would work there, and not be blocked for unusual activity. After explaining to the call centre worker on some foreign shore that she was going to the Channel Islands for a week, she was put on hold until a supervisor came on the line and asked: “Where did you say you were going for a week?”When Phyllis repeated that she was going to the Channel Islands there was a pause before the supervisor replied: “Oh. My colleague said you were going to China and Ireland.”Zombie watchUNKIND, surely, of the reader who tells us: “I see that American actor Brad Pitt has moved on from Glasgow to filming some of his zombie film in Grangemouth. Thank God he didn’t go through Skinflats, as he would’ve thought he was making a documentary.”Question timeYES, most of the schools are now back, which reminds a Clydebank reader of the line: “All through school I tried to work out what made my teachers tick. “It turned out it was the correct answers.”

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