SCOTLAND'S guilty pleasure - quite a few of us have been getting up early to watch the Olympic curling.

One reader recalls: "It reminds me of when I worked in a large Glasgow hospital kitchen. On a Sunday afternoon when we were on our break we used to play frozen chicken curling down one of the long hospital kitchen corridors.

"Great fun. Just a word of warning - never have chicken in hospital."

We of course point out that this was years ago and that hygiene in Glasgow hospitals is now second to none.

Born to be wild

WE mentioned Perry Como yesterday and a reader draws our attention to Perry's biography which says his show at Glasgow's Kelvin Hall in his last UK tour in 1975 was the highlight. Security was only four old men, the crowd rushed the stage at the end, and Perry came back on stage wearing a Tam O'Shanter and a tartan scarf with a glass of whisky to toast the audience.

"Wildest thing I had ever seen," said Perry. "Just a normal Saturday night in Glasgow" someone no doubt replied.

Rid neck

THE story of Helen Mirren being offered "red or white" when asked for wine varieties in Scotland some years ago reminds Bryce Johnston: "There was the guy who went into the chip shop in Troon and was asked if he wanted sauce. 'Aye, tomato sauce please,' he said.

"To which the girl replied, 'Sorry, we've only got rid or broon'."

Cheese test

WE also leapt from wine to cheese, and Colin Gunn tells us he was in a shop in Bridge of Allan where he asked where the "Applewood smoked cheese" came from. The inspired reply was: "Applewood. I think it's in England somewhere."

Horsing around

A READER swears he heard a woman in a Glasgow cafe tell her pal that her husband had taken up riding lessons as part of a new healthy living kick. "How's he getting on?" asked her pal.

"Judging by his size, with a crane," said the wife.

Monroe baggers

FOR our erudite readers - the Chester Drawers mix-up reminds Jonathan Lord, secretary of Glasgow Art Club: "During lighter moments (of which there were few) in school French classes in the 1960s, our teacher told the story of the boy who translated 'chest of drawers' as 'poitrine de caleçon'.

"Readers whose French vocabulary is no better than mine may need to think of Marilyn Monroe in long johns to get the point."

National anthems

AND I'm voting in a most peculiar way … singer David Bowie's plea at the music awards - "Scotland, stay with us" - has brought forward suggestions from readers on what songs he could have on his next album to appeal to Scottish fans:

Ziggy Played Stranraer.

The Man Who Fell to Perth.

Let's Banff

Spar Man

Jim Jimmy

All the Young Teams

Is there life on deep-fried Mars?

Any more suggestions?

Independent living

WE also like the reader who suggested: "Maybe it wasn't a plea over the independence vote, but simply an invitation if we are ever over in New York we can kip at his gaff."