A GLASGOW reader back from a beach holiday in the Caribbean tells us his sons amused themselves by trying to catch the names of girls on holiday with their boyfriends walking past on the beach.
If her name was, say, Anita they would write "Marry Me Anita" in big letters on the sand then watch the reaction when the couple walked back past them.
MATT Vallance tells us about the funeral of a popular chap in Ayr last week where his "contribution to sick animals" was praised by a friend delivering the eulogy.
The friend then added: "But he didn't know they were sick when he backed them."
Too long out of the Game
THE star of the much-missed BBC's Still Game comedy series, Greg Hemphill, was at the Edinburgh Fringe when he was handed a leaflet for a show by a performer oblivious to who he was.
The invitation on the leaflet? "Come to our podcast with Greg Hemphill."
Mused Greg: "Time to get back on the telly."
It's a weed world
AH, how they suffer for their art. New York raconteur Ashley Strand tells us about his accommodation in Edinburgh while performing his show Glorified Disasters.
Says Ashley: "I was only able to afford the trip from Brooklyn this year because I got free lodging out in Gracemount – in return for some light weeding duties in the back yard of my hosts."
Justin case he hears
AS the protests continue around the world about the prison sentences in Russia for the girls from punk band Pussy Riot, Don Ferguson in London wishfully comments: "Dear Vladimir Putin, Justin Bieber and One Direction were just singing nasty songs about you."
A deer place to shop
"I TOOK on a student for the summer," said a shopkeeper in a Glasgow pub the other day. "I found him sneaking up and down the aisles dressed in camouflage gear.
"So I had to say to him, 'You've never stocked shelves before have you?'"
Why pay for wi-fi?
TALKING of students, a West End reader swears he heard one on Byres Road tell his pal: "My wi-fi suddenly stopped working, and it took me a while to realise that my neighbours had not paid their bill.
"Some folk are really irresponsible."
A funny old name
THE start of the new fitba' season means, of course, new fantasy football teams.
Paul Craig spots among the teams in the Stornoway Gazette's fantasy football league: Bayern Bru, Multiple Scoregasms, and for Queen fans, AC A little silhouette of Milan.
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