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Ken Smith

A RECENT innovation in Glasgow parks is folk taking disposable barbecues with them on sunny days.

It became so popular that the parks folk put a large plastic bin in Kelvingrove Park for the disposal of said barbecues. Sadly it was burned to the ground.

A new metal bin has now replaced it, with the sign carrying the additional information that they should be extinguished before being deposited.

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Changed days

MIKE Ritchie reads an interview with Loudon Wainwright III, a great hit in his last appearance at Glasgow Royal Concert Hall, in music magazine Uncut, in which the American singer-songwriter confesses that in his early 20s he would write songs that were about "trying to get laid".

But today he observes: "Now when I say 'come to my motel room', it's usually, 'Can you show me how to work the WiFi?'"

Seeing is believing

PAY-DAY loans company Wonga has been fined for sending fake lawyers' letters to customers who have fallen behind with their payments.

As comedian Boothby Graffoe commented: "Wonga used made up law firms? Crikey. Next you'll be telling me those old people that advertise it on the telly aren't real."

Royal request

GLASGOW-BORN songwriter Bill Martin, awarded an MBE in the Queen's Birthday Honours, is wondering if he should have a quiet word with the Queen about royalties when he goes to Buckingham Palace. Bill penned the Cliff Richard hit Congratulations, which is frequently played by the Royal Marine band at Buck House events.

Says Bill: "I bought the bandmaster a few whiskies before the royal baby was born and suggested he play Congratulations. After the fifth half, he told me I was wasting my money as the Queen had already requested it."

Canned heat

OUR mention of tenements reminds Paul Cortopassi in Bonnybridge of visiting the New York Tenement Museum, where he sniffed the air and realised the kitchen smelled of soot after the lum had caught fire. When he expressed surprise the smell would still linger decades after it had actually been lived in, the guide said they bought the smell in aerosol form from a company in England.

Punishment exercise

AS the school year ends, a retired teacher tells us: "It is that time of year when some of my former colleagues in education are retiring. I recently received 'An Invitation to the Retrial of ...' Knowing that colleague well and also what his job was like, I felt the typing error was perhaps a more accurate reflection."

Doing time

OK, we've got to mention the Italian-chewing footballer Luis Suarez. A football fan down south phones to tell us: "Suarez has been given a two-year punishment by Fifa. He has to spend another two years living in Liverpool."

Silence is golden

AND on the question of World Cup commentators, Irish bookies Paddy Power summed up what many people think of ITV presenter Adrian Chiles when it tweeted: "Adrian Chiles could be giving directions out of a burning building and I still think I'd tell him to shut up."

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