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Kettle switched off

CILLA Fisher and Artie Trezise, founders of the amazingly successful children's show The Singing Kettle, have announced their retirement.

John Neil tells us some folk felt they had gone off the boil in recent years, while others felt they were still in their element.

Registering surprise?

ENTREPRENEUR Charan Gill, whose Hottest Night of the Year fundraiser raises tens of thousands of pounds for the Prince and Princess of Wales Hospice in Glasgow, told this year's event that he really enjoyed having the winning bid last year for a three-minute trolley dash through Debenham's.

"I got 10 suits, eight jumpers, a dozen pairs of socks – and three cash registers," he revealed.

Job sorted

OUR stories about spelling difficulties remind a retired police officer in Ayr: "While carrying out speed detection checks in deepest Ayrshire along with a colleague many years ago, an offender was detected and gave his occupation as an anaesthetist. After sending the driver on his way and checking the speeding ticket I saw my colleague had written the occupation as 'gas doctor'."

Final say

A READER in Silverburn Shopping Centre at the weekend didn't know whether to be impressed or appalled by the youngster, only about six, who was told by his exasperated mother: "Stop that! And I'm not going to tell you again!" The little one came back with: "Good. I was getting bored hearing you say that."

Back in a flash

GRANDPARENTS Day yesterday, and Jim McGuinness in Oakley, Fife, recalls: "As a young lad I was a passenger in my uncle's Morris Minor, with my gran in the front passenger seat. On taking a left turn she mentioned to my uncle that the arrow – the old style indicator – wasn't out. 'It's OK mother,' he replied, 'there's small lights at each corner of the car that flash to let others know where I'm going'.

"'Jings, when will technology ever stop,' she asked. "Pass her the i-Phone 5."

Digging deep?

A SITE agent working on repairs to the M9 in central Scotland finally got the text from one of his foremen that he had always been waiting for. "We need more shovels, Boss" it read.It finally gave him the chance to reply: "None available just now. You'll just have to lean on each other."

To the winner the spoils

UNDERSTANDABLE message left by Stirling Albion staff after their surprise win against Rangers. It read: "Match report now on the website stirlingalbionfc.co.uk. Apologies for delay – we were in the pub!"

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