Added the council leader: “He then texted me saying that, as he was an employee of Glasgow City Council, and seeing the direction the council was heading in, he’d now be supporting North Korea.”
Father figured
“MY husband only stays with me because of the children,” declared the woman having coffee with her friends in Glasgow.
“Neither of them would let him move in with them.”
Equally amusing
READER John Delaney, visiting the Brown Bull Inn in Lochwinnoch, noticed that one of the teams in the pub quiz was named The Late Equaliser.
“Are you a football team?” he asked one of the players.
“No,” the chap replied. “It’s in tribute to Edward Woodward.”
Fat chance
DAVID Donaldson read the story that was on The Herald’s world news page on Saturday about a Peruvian gang being accused of killing people in order to sell their fat to a European cosmetics manufacturer, and thought: “Human fat selling for £9000 a litre!
“That’s great news for the SNP -- Scotland can afford independence, even without the banks and the oil.”
Close call
A READER shopping in Glasgow’s Buchanan Galleries saw a young woman, there with an older lady, point to a pair of shoes in an unusual shade of green, and ask: “Oh, Nan, look at these shoes. What shade would you call them?”
“Wally close green,” the elderly lady replied, which, although probably not on the manufacturer’s colour chart, was nevertheless an exact description any Glaswegian would recognise, reckons our reader.
Whale of a tale
JOKEY corrections by teachers, continued. Richard Treadgold tells us that his son, when in Primary Five, referred to the countries that were competing in the football Home Internationals as Scotland, England, Ireland and Whales.
Says Richard: “His teacher appended a rather well-drawn cartoon of a goalmouth incident involving a player in blue shooting past a defending whale in a red shirt. This pre-dated Billy the Fish in Viz magazine by many years.”
Pullover the other one
AS we are always keen to know what our cousins across the Atlantic are thinking, we pass on from a reader in New York State a gag printed in her local newspaper.
A Scot and an American were talking about playing golf during the various seasons of the year. “In most parts of the USA we can’t play in the winter time. We have to wait until spring,” the American said.
“Why, in Scotland we can even play in the winter. Snow and cold are no object to us,” said the Scot.
“Well, what do you do? Paint your balls black?” asked the American.
“No,” said the Scot, “we just put on an extra sweater or two.”
Caring for the bear
“IF Children In Need raised over £20m,” said the chap in the pub the other night, “why don’t they get Pudsey’s eye fixed?”
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