BEFORE we say goodbye to Olympics-themed items for another four years, let us just run Jim Morrison's observation that the Somali Olympics team has apologised to the IOC as it hadn't realised that shooting and sailing were two separate sports.
What a talent
SCOTLAND'S best-known violinist has apparently added another string to her bow. Steve Mulrine notes that one Nicola Benedetti represented Italy in the men's modern pentathlon last weekend. Running, swimming, riding, shooting, fencing ... is there no end to her talent? Before you think we've taken leave of our senses, we should point out that this particular athlete is, of course, male.
Pricey pint
AT a Main Street Blues gig at Edinburgh's Jazz Bar, the band announced that their CD was available to buy on the way out. According to John Robertson, the singer went on: "We won't skin you – it's only a fiver, the price of a couple of beers!"
"No' in here," came the instant reply, and loud enough for the bar staff to hear.
Going off the rails
NEDS, continued. Scott Simpson hears that one of the contenders to take over the ScotRail franchise in 2014 is the Dutch state railway, Ned Railways. ScotRail, he suggests, could then be renamed NedRail.
Here's a tip ...
RIVER City star Gordon McCorkell, who plays Deek Henderson, tells the Diary he once gave a £2 coin to a homeless man in the street. Rather than expressing gratitude, the man, quick as a flash, countered with a plaintive: "Wee Bob gave me a tenner."
Says Gordon: "He was obviously hoping I'd match Stephen Purdon's donation – all I could say was, 'Well, good for Wee Bob', and I walked on." Full marks for trying, though.
Monkey puzzle
NICKNAMES. Joe Donnelly recalls his late father talking about some characters from his days as a docker, including Cinderella, who always knocked off at 12, and Pawn The Monkey, who stole a monkey from a ship's crew, tried without success to flog it to local hostelries, and ended pawning it.
And there's this, from Jim Scott: "As a callow youth I had a job as tyre fitter at Smillies. One guy was called Duke and I asked one of the other guys if it was because he was a big John Wayne fan. He said: 'No, it's because he suffers from piles.' Which still left me wondering until someone explained, 'Duke of Argylls.'"
Conversation with bite
WE'VE been scratching our heads, trying to work out what lies behind a snatch of conversation overheard on Sauchiehall Street.
"It was terrible," one lady said to another. "They knocked oot every false tooth in his head."
Weather check
DAVID Macleod remembers a Reporting Scotland reporter doing a vox pop on Glasgow street names and asking one man: "Why do you think John Street is so-called?"
The man gave this some thought and replied: "Ah don't think it's any caulder than anywhere else."
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