A QUESTION in the Brown Bull pub quiz in Lochwinnoch the other night was: "What did Thomas Sheraton become famous for making?"
A team more clued up on famous Scottish perjury trials answered "Mailbags" rather than the "furniture" the quizmaster was actually seeking.
WE mentioned the collection of writings by legendary Herald editor Arnold Kemp being published this month, entitled Confusion To Our Enemies. A story Arnold always told against himself was when he was invited to a reception at Buckingham Palace, and was phoned beforehand to be told that Princess Margaret was frightfully keen to meet him.
As it took Arnold more than an hour to find her, he pushed rather impatiently past her acolytes and brusquely announced: "Your Royal highness, I believe you wanted to speak to me."
After a lengthy frigid silence, she eventually told Arnold: "I say, would you mind fetching me an ashtray?"
Beacon of understanding
REMOVALS continued. Ian Forrest in Laurencekirk reminds us of the removal van driver who stopped in Brechin some years ago and asked a local woman where a certain street was. She didn't know, but as she had lived there all her life, she took his delivery sheet, read it, and told him: "You do know you're supposed to be in Brecon in Wales?"
ARGYLE Street at Finnieston, Glasgow, has always been a bit careworn, but is now on the up-and-up judging by the new style bars there. This was confirmed to us by Frank McCallum who was in a Finnieston bar when a fellow toper asked the barmaid if that was indeed sprigs of mint in a jar on the counter.
"Yes," she replied, "they're for the mojitos."
"Any chance I could have some? I'm making a Peruvian quinoa salad for dinner and the shops are all out of mint," the chap replied.
From eternity to here
SAD indeed was the advertisement spotted in the Dumfries and Galloway Standard last week. It read: "Ruby and diamond crossover eternity ring. Worn once."
Not so simples
A PUZZLED Dunbartonshire reader tells us that car insurance is getting a lot more complicated these days. He explained: "You used to just choose the cheapest quote, but last night my wife asked if I would prefer to have a toy meerkat or 1000 Nectar points."
NICKNAMES, and Peter Wright tells us of a joiner called "lightning" because he could never hit the same place twice.
GOOD to see Glasgow gets a few mentions in the new edition of David Ross's Pocket Book of Scottish Quotations. The one we like is anonymous. "Heaven seems verra little improvement on Glesga," a Glasgow man is said to have commented, after death, to a friend who had predeceased him.
"Man, this is no' Heaven," the other replied.
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