THE Diary's favourite Facebook punster has been at it again.
He writes: "This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian Facebook page ... but I'd never met a herbivore."
Running gag
AUSTIN Lafferty, Glasgow solicitor and immediate past President of the Law Society of Scotland, is taking part in the Belfast City Marathon to raise funds for the St Margaret of Scotland Hospice. He's not doing it the easy way.
In a Glasgow store the other day he was fitted for new running shoes and was put on a treadmill so that his running posture could be videoed and analysed.
"So there was the humiliating sight of me in a blue pinstripe suit and tie, with bare feet and my trousers turned up, clanking along on the treadmill," he says.
Austin, we feel your pain.
We liked, incidentally, his parting line: "Anyway, I got good shoes - which, for Belfast, are thankfully coloured both blue and green."
Risky business
DAVID Jardine, reading Wednesday's Herald, came across an intriguing diversity of Boris Johnson opinion towards the late Bob Crow.
"In the news story on page eight," writes David, "Johnson described Crow as a 'fighter and a man of character'.
"Across on the obituary page, however, we read that Johnson 'called him demented and refused to speak to him.'
The moral? "With a heavy heart," David says, "I have resolved to vote Yes in the independence referendum - in the hope of eliminating any residual risk that aforementioned, facing-both-ways Boris Johnson might become prime minister of my country."
Bedside manners
MORE stories about medics in love.
Steve Henderson says: "My nephew tied the knot a while ago while he and his bride were both trainee anaesthetists.
"I was sorely tempted to slip the following into the best man's speech: 'Two anaesthetists on their wedding night. They were lying back on their honeymoon hotel bed, glowing, the deed having been done.
'"Darling, you were wonderful," she murmurs huskily. "I didn't feel a thing".'
Dog gone it
DATING stories, continued. Robert, from Kirkcudbright, relates: "A friend's wife set me up with her pal who turned up for the date with a yappy wee pooch.
"She went off to the bar at one point, leaving me to look after a dog that wouldn't stop barking at passers-by.
"When she came back, she asked how I had got on while she was away.
"My response, 'I can't wait to tell my friends I had a date with a dog that wouldn't shut up', was met with a moment of silence followed by a frosty, 'How dare you call me a dog? I am going home right now.'
"And so she did."
Class vroom
READER David Donaldson gets in touch to say that he spotted a rather fetching Porsche parked in Glasgow's Hyndland Street.
Its registration plate? 13 CM.
Concludes David: "Either Cameron Mackintosh is in town - or Porsche drivers are not prone to exaggeration after all."
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