A BIT of a stooshie last night over plans to burn an effigy of Alex Salmond with Nessie beside him at Lewes in Sussex on Bonfire Night.
Many folk thought it was disrespectful. We like the SNP member who commented: "I'm upset enough that they plan to burn an effigy of the First Minister, but why Nessie? What has she ever done to deserve this?"
Burning hands
WE temporarily resurrected our school belt stories, and Brian Logan in Glasgow tells us: "While teaching in Glasgow's east end in the 70s, a new teacher called Mr Sorensen joined the staff. He announced that he would never use the belt. Within two weeks, he had pinned a notice on the staff room wall taking orders for the Lochgelly - the belt manufactured by John J Dick in the town. After that he became known as Mr Sore-hauns-son."
Whisky fix
THE death of former Chief Secretary to the Treasury Joel Barnett reminds former MP and MSP Dennis Canavan: "During the Finance Bill 1976, I tabled an amendment to eradicate an ancient anomaly whereby distilleries were not allowed to serve their product direct from the premises.
"To my surprise, Joel told me that the Government would accept my amendment, which to this day permits distilleries to sell whisky at their gift shops. I suspect that amendment will last even longer than the Barnett Formula."
Winter warmer
MANY a reader will empathise with the woman on Glasgow's south side who declared yesterday: "Happy day - put winter coat on for the first time this year and found £20 in the pocket. Hurrah!"
Silent tweetment
WELL done to BBC Scotland political editor Brian Taylor for opening a Twitter account - and then deciding not to post any messages. Brian, under his Twitter monicker TannadiceLad has more than 6,000 followers despite never uttering a word.
The Scottish Parliament's Presiding Officer Tricia Marwick started her own account yesterday - and her third message was: "C'mon TannadiceLad. I've tweeted. It's your turn!"
We kind of hope Brian can get more than 10,000 followers without actually stooping to saying anything.
Clever move
A POINT to ponder from a Glasgow reader, who overheard a teenage girl defend herself to her pals with: "I'm not stupid! I'm just too lazy to show you how smart I am."
Hats off
THE death of jazz clarinettist Acker Bilk at the age of 85 reminds a couple of readers of a joke from their youth that they feel ought to be resurrected one last time. You decide. It's of the distressed lady having a bath who has her big toe stuck in the tap, and cannot free it. Her husband calls a plumber, and at the last minute throws her a bowler hat to protect her modesty. "Can you help?" he anxiously asks the plumber.
"Well, I can free the lady's toe. That's not a problem. But I'm afraid Acker Bilk's a goner."
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