POSH shops continued.

A reader from Rhu was strolling in Helensburgh when he heard a brat, sorry, young child, whine to its mother: "But why can't we go to Waitrose?" The mother replied: "Because it's far too expensive."

At that the mum bumped into an acquaintance and after saying hello, turned to her child and said: "We're just off to Waitrose, aren't we darling?"

Pudding on the style

THE posh food stories also remind a Bishopbriggs reader: "Many years ago, discussing the forthcoming Christmas dinner with our then five-year-old grandson, we asked what pudding he would like. He requested creme brulee with fresh raspberries. I did think at the time, 'What happened to jelly and ice cream?'"

Don't lose sleep over it

SOMEONE from the British Snoring And Sleep Apnoea Association tells us that next week is National Stop Snoring Week, when it will be launching a new device to help your mouth from dropping open when you sleep. Can't wait.

Anyway, it reminds us of the chap who told his pal: "The wife says I snore, but I'm not sure if she's telling me the truth. No one at work has ever told me that."

Left out of the picture

"I'M getting old," a Herald reader remarked to his teenage daughters the other day. "When I was young I managed to go for months without taking a picture of anything."

It's not Fergie time

MANCHESTER United's sacking of Glaswegian manager David Moyes is still the talk of the sporting circles. A reader tells us: "The Glazer family who own United took advice from Fergie before making Moyes manager. But this time they're not going to near her for her suggestions."

And a Yes campaigner in the Scottish referendum mischievously asks: "Will Alistair Darling be the David Moyes of the No campaign?"

Stalking horse

WE will have to stop the David Moyes stories if readers get any sillier however, as one phoned to tell us: "Did you see that the Dortmund manager Jurgen Klopp has ruled himself out for the Manchester job? His brother Clippety could have done a better job than Davey Moyes."

Cross talk

FOLK can often give off the pungent aroma of garlic if it has been used too liberally in the meal they have eaten, but few people would actually pass comment about it. Not so the woman Michele Catalano heard who turned to a fellow office worker and asked her: "What were you doing last night? Fending off vampires?"

Camera never lies

WE ended our tales of being caught on television, but we like the story Jim McDonald in Carluke told us of being an apprentice at Fairfield Shipyard and wanting to skive off one afternoon to see a Glasgow/Edinburgh select play the All Blacks at Hughenden, so he invented a hospital appointment. When he tried to stand in a spot underneath the television gantry he was caught out by a chap with a portable camera filming the crowd, and appeared in the highlights that night.

Says Jim: "The following morning my foreman passed me in the workshop. As he walked by he turned and, without breaking stride, said, 'Enjoy the game son?' and walked on."

Speaking his mind

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to interrupt us with: "My psychiatrist said he wanted to try some reverse psychology on me. So I told him I charged £50 an hour. That messed him up."