REASONS why spelling is important.
A reader was in a city centre pub toilet where a member of staff had put a little typed notice on the cubicle door stating: "Handel broke". Their wayward spelling had allowed someone to write neatly below it: "Beethoven a bit strapped for cash too".
Heavy handed
TATTOOS continued. Gordon Higgins on Skye tells us: "During a rare visit to my home town of Kirkcaldy my brother introduced me to one of his friends Shug who looked a bit depressed. He explained that the previous week, while holidaying in Turkey, he decided after one too many to get a tattoo. When asked what he wanted, he answered in a broad Fife accent: "My name, 'Shug'" – only to wake up sober the following morning and find the word 'THUG' tattooed on his upper arm."
Watch the feathers fly
EVEN when it's biting cold it can be worthwhile leaving the office at lunchtime. A reader buying a sandwich yesterday heard a young chap tell his pal that his dad "races pigeons".
"What, you mean he runs after them?" asked his pal.
"You do know you're an idiot?" the first chap, not unreasonably, replied.
Language barrier
SCOTLAND'S opening Six Nations match against England tomorrow at Murrayfield reminds a Bridge of Weir reader of a neighbour who attended a Scotland-France match and wanted to swap his Scotland top at the end with a chap wearing a French top.
Mustering all the schoolboy French he could remember, he stumbled his way through a request to swap jerseys, using a pitiful French accent for good measure.
"Get lost with yer lousy French accent," the chap replied. "I've just swapped this myself," replied a slightly aggrieved Scots punter.
Name dropper
READERS are worrying over how the now plain Mr Fred Goodwin actually returns his knighthood. "Does the palace send him a postage paid 'Cash for Gold' envelope to put it in?" asks one.
"And are the bailiffs sent round to Tipp-Ex the 'Sir' off his stationary?" asks another.
Sign on the dotted line
A GROUP of Newton Mearns matrons was discussing the youth of today, and how grandchildren were tardy in thanking them for presents.
However one of them proudly declared: "I sent my grandson a cheque for his birthday and he came round the very next day to thank me."
As her friends looked on approvingly, she added: "Mind you, I had forgotten to sign it."
Payment due
AS the finances of Rangers Football Club appear increasingly precarious, a Celtic fan phones us to ask: "Is it true that Rangers fans received a letter from the club telling them that their payment for the 2015/16 season ticket is now due?"
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article