THE Commonwealth Games have not been forgotten.

Roy Cameron was on the train from Glasgow to Balloch when the ticket inspector came through from the end carriage. Immediately three teenage lads leapt to their feet and ran into the next carriage. Says Roy: "The ticket examiner exclaimed, 'I thought Usain Bolt was away hame!'"

In tune for single market

LOTS of celebs and not-so-celebs signing a letter saying we should not vote for independence. Martin Belam scans the list and comments: "The worst thing is the fear that the 200 people who signed 'Let's Stay Together' will now make a charity single together."

Principal's blunder

OUR tale of Strathclyde Uni principal Sir Graham Hills reminds Deedee Cuddihy of being told the principal of Glasgow's College Of Commerce many years ago wanted action taken against students who were "tagging" college walls by spraying their names on them. He amused his staff by then asking who this student Bob Marley was who seemed to be a persistent offender.

Ones that got it away

THE great investigative reporter Chapman Pincher has died at the age of 100. In his recent autobiography, Chapman wrote about his love of fishing in Scotland and revealed: "Scottish ghillies are a breed unto themselves. I have a vivid memory of my ghillie shouting across the Dee to ask another why the owner of the beat and his guest were not fishing that day. The old man's yell, 'They're away Edinburgh on a drinking and whoooooring expedition' reverberated over the water."

Wrong Call

WE mentioned street preachers, and the Reverend Eric Hudson in Bearsden tells us about listening to one in Buchanan Street. The Rev Hudson recalls: "Every time someone heckled him the preacher responded with 'there's someone who just opens his mouth and lets his stomach rumble'." The Rev Hudson said that, at one point, the preacher mentioned being on STV's Late Call. He said to the preacher: "That's funny, I've been producing Late Call for five years and I've never met you." The preacher pointed at him and bellowed: "There's another one that opens his mouth and lets his stomach rumble". Rev Hudson tells us: "There was loud laughter all round."

Fred hammers a point

WISE words from comedian Fred MacAulay for Edinburgh Fringe performers. In an interview with recruitment site s1jobs, Fred argued: "There's a recent trend for established comedians to do free gigs in the hope someone might spot them, and it's good exposure. "Try that with a joiner who's coming to mend your front door."

A small bite to eat

AND Claire Healy, performing her cabaret Playdough Face at the Sweet Grassmarket, tells us: "As a joke, one song asks the question, 'Have you ever eaten a goldfish for a bet?' No one says yes. Never. Nowhere. Except Dublin.

"One man revealed that, yes, he had eaten a goldfish. As the room turned to him in horror, he went into defensive mode. 'I didn't eat the whole thing'."

Joke goes by the board

IT'S not just on the Glasgow Subway that people think they are comedians. Nigel Manuel in New York says: "I was sitting on the subway going into Manhattan last week when an elderly guy with a walking stick slowly limped on board and plopped down beside a well-dressed lady heading to work. 'That's it', he said, 'no more skateboarding for me'. He made my morning, but of course the lady pretended not to hear him."