DOUGIE McNicol in Bridge of Weir attests to the growing popularity of wine among bar patrons.
A new member of staff at his local was restocking the bar's wine rack when she suddenly called to the manager: "This stuff's out of date."
She then showed the puzzled manager the label: "Below where it says pinot grigio, it says 2010."
It's no joke
LESLEY Falconer was at her east end hairdresser in Glasgow when a local came in for a chat and told the hairdresser she had spotted her at a funeral the previous week.
Recalling the occasion, the hairdresser commented: "When I go, I'm going to have a funeral like that, with a humanist."
The local lady seemed a bit puzzled before she replied: "I didn't think he was that funny."
What a drip
WRY amusement down south where water restrictions have been imposed. As Bennett Arron tells us: "I don't mind about the hosepipe ban. I couldn't water my lawn in all this rain anyway."
AN etymologist contacts us: "Just discovered the collective noun for cheetahs is a coalition. A coalition of cheetahs? Yep, sounds about right."
Full of hot air
AFTER loudmouth American millionaire Donald Trump addressed MSPs at Holyrood yesterday, Tory MSP Murdo Fraser was heard telling colleagues he regretted not having the time at the hearing to ask Mr Trump if he'd like to buy Rangers.
And as reader Harvey Hannah commented: "Trump's such a good guy, he's gone to a great deal of expense, throwing up large earth banks and planting big trees to make sure his neighbour at Mennie Estate is prevented from seeing any wind turbines."
MEANWHILE First Minister Alex Salmond was at the Institute of Directors conference in London where he was pursued by the press over his relationship with Sun owner Rupert Murdoch. He did confirm that the Edinburgh pandas and singer Susan Boyle would not appear on future Scottish bank notes, which had been a Sun exclusive. However as the Sun story was on April 1, we suspect they didn't believe it either.
Access all areas
A RETIRED reader at a computer class in her local library tells us one of her fellow attendees said she had set her computer password as "incorrect" and explained: "That way the computer tells me what it is when I get it wrong."
A READER in Stirling observed to her husband at the dinner table: "I see you took the larger steak. When we were first married you would take the smaller steak and give me the larger. Do you not love me any more?"
"Nonsense," hubby replied. "You just cook better now."
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