GRANDCHILDREN continued.
Douglas McLeod in Newlands, Glasgow recalls a friend's five-year-old daughter visiting her grandmother who had no sweets in the house and instead give the child an oatcake covered with jam as a treat.
A few minutes later the little girl appeared back in the kitchen with the uneaten oatcake on the plate, now minus the jam, and announced: "Thanks for the jam Granny – and here's your wee board back."
Says Douglas: "My wife and I have referred to oatcakes as 'wee boards' ever since."
Triumphant finale
NOT every couple shares the same musical tastes, of course. A woman leaving Glasgow Royal Concert Hall with her partner was heard telling him triumphantly: "Told you you'd like it."
But the chap merely replied: "I clapped because it finished, not because I liked it."
Memory loss
SINGER Rod Stewart is to be the opening act at Glasgow's Hydro arena later this year.
This reminds us of the chap heard telling his daughter in a Glasgow store about going to a previous Rod Stewart concert in his youth.
He suddenly stopped and asked her: "Have I told you this before?"
"So many times," his daughter replied, "I can't believe you're not in a nursing home."
Water way to go
INCIDENTALLY, we asked yesterday if hydrophobia was a fear that the stadium wouldn't be open in time. David Donaldson asks: "And is hydrophilia a fear that the arena will be mostly half-empty?"
A connoisseur
CHRIS Gibson, on a North Sea platform, tells us one of the roustabouts had barbecue ribs for the first time the other day.
When asked if he enjoyed them he replied: "Fine, but no' again. Too many bones for me."
Skewered
OUR tale of the child thinking cows were large dugs reminded Gordon Airs in Bridge of Weir of a recent trip to Jordan when the wise-cracking local guide asked the busload of Brits what they called these animals in the fields?
"Sheep?" suggested a bewildered traveller.
"Ah," he replied. "Here, we call them shish kebab."
Clear off
A GLASGOW reader hears a chap in his local pub tell about taking his kids to a fast food restaurant at the weekend where the table was covered in so much debris from previous meals that he had to spend a good five minutes clearing it up before they could eat.
"Did the staff thank you?" asked one of his mates.
"Thank me?" the chap replied. "My picture's up on the wall as employee of the month."
Party spirit
POLITICAL news, and a Labour Party activist tells us that a swivel-eyed loon has complained that he has been accused of being a member of the Conservative Party.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article