GLASGOW lawyer Austin Lafferty was donating blood when the nurse told him she had taken her nephew to see Santa in a well-known retail centre.
The couple in front told the bearded chap that their son was called Shug. Santa's face lit up and he declared: "Aw brilliant. That's ma name too!"
Shug minor turns to his mother and whispers: "Ah thought his name wis Santa" and with the quickness of wit for which Glasgwegian mothers are famed, she replied: "This is his brother. Santa's oan a break."
Date to remember
HER friends looked aghast as a woman in a Glasgow coffee shop yesterday announced: "I got home to find all the windows and doors wide open. Everything was gone. What kind of sick person would do that to another human being?"
She then added: "I knew I shouldn't have left the kids' advent calendars where my husband could get at them."
Something to chew on
THE latest movie news is that Harrison Ford will film a fifth Indiana Jones instalment at the age of 70. A reader phones to tell us it will be called Indiana Jones and the particularly hard toffee.
LAID-BACK Highlanders continued. David Russel in Penicuik tells us about a garage worker in Fraserburgh who changed the clutch on a Ford Cortina, but was faced with a number of bolts left over. Says David: "I asked if that would cause problems for the driver, and the reply was, 'Na na laddie, there was ower mony tae start wi'."
AND Edith Easton in Biggar was on holiday in Ardnamurchan when her then eight-year-old son was bitten on the ankle by a small dog. When she told the dog's owner, the woman asked if Edith's son had been riding a bike at the time. Edith confirmed he was, and the local smiled warmly and said: "Oh he always bites people on bikes."
Keep calm and carry on
RON Ferguson, formerly of this parish, reveals in his new book, George Mackay Brown: The Wound and the Gift, that the Orcadian poet and novelist had to go on tranquilisers when he was nominated for the Booker Prize in 1994.
"He must be the only writer in history to need medication because he was nominated for a major prize," says Ron. "He couldn't cope with the attention."
Ron's book has itself been shortlisted for the Saltire Society's Scottish Research Book of the Year. He has declined anti-depressants.
Star of the show
STAFF at Glasgow restaurant Viva Brazil were delighted when singer Paulo Nutini dropped in. Then the following night they had a booking for John Barrowman, who is star of the SECC's panto this year.
So imagine the puzzlement when a very ordinary John Barrowman, no relation to the TV star, arrived and found five members of staff waiting to greet him. The next night they waited for a Daniel Craig who had booked, but the chap who arrived was definitely no James Bond.
"Ah well, I'm sure Paolo will be back," said one of the disappointed members of staff.
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