YES, it's holiday time and a Renfrewshire reader just back from Dingle in Ireland says he was taken with the thoughtfulness of the restaurant owner who asked the last table of diners if they would like to take their desserts at a table out in the garden.
The owner then spoiled the moment by explaining he wanted to get down the local pub before closing time and he wanted to lock up.
Worth their weight
SOME folk are trying to lose weight before they go on holiday. A reader having a coffee in Paisley heard two women at the next table discuss a mutual friend with one complaining: "She said she lost six pounds last week. Six pounds! The only time I lost six pounds in one week was when I gave birth."
Dram mistake
Scottish phrases continued. Willie Gibson was at a conference in Dundee when a colleague from England at a reception was asked if he would like "a wee nip". Presumably fearing some physical harm he declined. Later on he was heard complaining that he was not offered any of the whisky he saw being poured for other delegates.
And the use of rhyming slang in Glasgow reminds Angela Fotheringham of working in London where colleagues were showing off their Cockney skills in rhyme. Says Angela: "I tried to join in with, 'are you lot corned beef?' Only to be met with blank stares. Of course 'beef' does not rhyme with 'deaf' in London."
Costume drama
THE tartan outfits, reminiscent of Brigadoon, have been unveiled for the Scottish team to wear at the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games. Not everyone is charmed by them, with one critic comparing them to Loganair stewardesses from the sixties.
Perhaps harshest was the Twitter user who stated: "I wonder if the designer was at the Glasgow School of Art and the fire there was a desperate attempt to stop it going forward."
Thirst for knowledge
AS the school holidays get under way a science teacher in Paisley tells us that before the break he was trying to get across the kinetic theory of particle motion. Says teach: "To elicit further understanding I asked, 'Well how do you think puddles dry up?' A pupil frowned at this new challenge, then visibly brightened and replied, 'Dogs drink them!' I further probed with, 'So why do puddles dry up faster on warmer days then?' He paused not a heartbeat before riposting, 'They drink them faster cos they're thirstier on warm days'."
Comedy tips
ADAM Ramsay has told the comedy website Chortle that English comics visiting the Edinburgh Fringe should avoid the well-worn and obvious subjects when discussing the referendum. Subjects to avoid, he says, are: "Bannockburn, Braveheart, deep fried anything, haggis, jimmy wigs, hating the English, bagpipes, tramps, tartan, subsidy junkies, heroin, dying in your fifties, drinking yourself to death, the Loch Ness monster, and any attempt to do a Scottish accent not undergirded by professional voice coaching."
Any other advice?
Message from the throne
A COLLEAGUE wanders over to interrupt us with: "One in three people says they text while on the toilet. They're on pay as you go."
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