TALES of protecting foodstuffs remind Ian Allingham: "My dad was interned in Siam during the Second World War by the Japanese in a house which was serviced by a house boy.
"The internees noticed that the level of sherry in the decanter kept falling and one of them decided to replace half of the sherry with his own bodily fluid.
"This did not reduce the incidence of disappearing sherry so, after a few days, they confronted the house boy who explained that he was teetotal, but did regularly use the sherry as an ingredient when cooking their evening meals."
Flight of fancy
IT was windy but dry on the Ayrshire coast on Saturday and a few folk were trying a bit of kite-flying on the beaches. An auld fella went up to one young chap struggling with his kite in the gusts and asked him in a chatty way: "Out flying your kite?"
"Naw," the young chap replied. "Fishing for birds."
When the chips are down
READERS frequently tell us conversations overheard on buses, and Sheriff JP Murphy remembers in the fifties on a Glasgow bus a woman declaring: "See ma man? See's maw? See chips? Cannae staun' them."
Ever since he has told young lawyers to think of that when framing written pleadings – all the facts are there and not a word wasted.
Admitted to the bar
PR consultant Peter Samson was unsure of the meaning when a client emailed to discuss a forthcoming "strait fae". Peter, thinking it was a spell-check failure, asked if he was referring to a "street fayre"?
The client replied: "A strait fae is when one leaves one's place of employment and heads directly with colleagues to a pub or restaurant to partake in a few refreshments or some fine cuisine."
Peter blames his Stirling upbringing for his lack of knowledge of this west coast colloquialism, but nonetheless has popped the date into his Filofax.
Tears for souvenirs
ONE of the perils of performing at the Edinburgh Fringe is falling in love for the fortnight with a fellow performer. Clementine Wade, director of comedy show Back To School at this year's Fringe, which places the audience as pupils, recalls: "My first Edinburgh production was with the Cambridge Footlights, and I remember crying on the phone to my mother, at the top of Carlton Hill, as my heart had been broken.
"As tears ran down my face, I noticed a gaggle of 20 Chinese tourists staring at me. I put down the phone and they clapped. They obviously thought the whole of Edinburgh was a theatre."
"THERE are rumours that Glasgow's top two clubs have been invited to play in a big pre-season tournament," phones a reader. "But so far there's been no comment from either Celtic or Partick Thistle."
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