READER Jim Haddock, flying back to Glasgow Airport from a holiday, tells us: "We were puzzled when the airport car park bus driver advised passengers to take an alternative route when leaving the car park, "as the normal route is covered in bottles".
Reluctant to accept my sleepy explanation that 'a lorry has probably shed its load', my wife decided to inquire further.
"'What's this about bottles on the exit road?' she asked the receptionist, who replied, 'Not bottles missus – potholes'."
THANK goodness for the Scots language. Glasgow comic Alan Anderson's Edinburgh Fringe show Whisky Fir Dummies 2.0, which is a light-hearted whisky tasting, received a letter from the lawyers of US publishers John Wiley & Sons stating he had to change the name of the show as it breached the copyright of their best-selling range of manuals which uses the word "Dummies".
Rather than go to the expense of challenging them, Anderson has merely changed the show to Whisky Fir Dafties. He says: "Still, it opens up the possibility of publishing a series of books titled Whisky For Dafties or better still Copyright Law For Dafties."
IT'S been tough weather for golfers recently. We hear of one minister playing at St Andrews with friends who was surprised when the caddy asked if he was a minister by any chance.
As he was not wearing a dog collar as part of his golfing attire, he asked how he knew.
"I've never seen that much bad golf without any swearing," the caddy replied.
To the last penny
MEANWHILE at the 19th hole of an Ayrshire golf club last week, the making of wills was being discussed. One member opined: "Mine will simply read, 'Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.'"
No end to it
AN observer of news and current affairs ponders: "It's surely the most intriguing question of the past few months – which is going to be completed first, the Leveson Inquiry or the takeover of Rangers Football Club?"
TALKING of Rangers, the feverish speculation on whether Ally McCoist will remain as manager of the club has caused author Paul Smith's heart to skip a few beats.
His book For Richer For Poorer, charting the financial rise and fall of the Ibrox club, was launched last week with the soundbite: "'We don't do walking away' Ally McCoist" prominently on the cover.
So Smith, for one, is hoping Super Ally stays true to his word.
Price of success
OUR man at the Euro Championships phones: "Did you see that guy with the long face when Greece beat Russia? It was the president of the Greek FA realising they'll have to book the hotel for another week."
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