ACTOR and travel writer Michael Palin gave a talk at the National Library of Scotland in Edinburgh this week about his travels.
Now we won’t say that he attracts a more mature following, but the announcement to the audience before he came on stage was: “If you have a pacemaker or a hearing aid, turn them on, but if you have a mobile phone, turn it off.”
Michael told author Alistair Moffat, who interviewed him, that he had relations in Edinburgh on his mother’s side that he used to visit for tea.
“So you’ve had your tea then?” asked Alistair, much to the delight of the Edinburgh audience.
Ian Deuchar in Milngavie tells us: “A group of seniors foregathered at my local golf club when someone asked if we were looking forward to watching the royal wedding. I said I had a garden wall to paint, and another old boy asked if he could come and watch my paint drying.”
We could all do with a dose of reality after today, so if anyone has any funny stories from Scottish weddings, please let us know.
ONLY in the west end one suspects ... Rony Bridges was standing on Byres Road reading a Big Issue he had bought when a woman took it out of his hands and gave him £2.
He feels he was perhaps just a tad too casually dressed. Or as a friend cruelly remarked on his dress sense: “You been running through Oxfam again? With sticky tape on?”
Suits you, George
ELECTION news, and George Galloway, whose Coalition Against the Cuts is holding a stand-up comedy night in Oran Mor on Monday, was out canvassing in Glasgow’s Buchanan Street when he spotted a sale in Fraser’s. Unable to resist a snazzy suit on offer at a big discount, George went in, bought it, and immediately wore it to go back out campaigning.
Minutes later a potential voter pointed out that the jacket and trousers did not match, which led to a disgruntled George storming back into Fraser’s with his receipt.
We can’t confirm that someone shouted after him: “It’s the wrong trousers, Gromit.”
Blonde in a daze
Christine Pacione, of Milton of Campsie, overheard a blonde, tattooed lady at a holiday spot asking about going on the sunset cruise. When asked when she would like to go, she replied: “Sunday morning.”
WE always like to hear from the douce Renfrewshire village of Kilmacolm, where a reader tells us about a commotion in a driveway where his neighbour was grappling with a black Labrador, trying to get the big lump of a dog into the back of his 4x4 in order to go on holiday for the weekend. His labours were interrupted by another neighbour who asked: “Why are you trying to put my Labrador in your car?”
SONG lyrics continued. Carol Devlin explains: “A relative of mine insisted on singing “the warrior” song at a party.
“We joined in when we realised it was ‘Oh warrior want to make those eyes at me for’.”
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