The little one’s dad piped up: “She’s just a nosey-parker who wants to see what the inside of our house looks like.”
Rhyme and reason
AN AYRSHIRE reader out with friends heard a cacophony of shouting, and spied a hen party touring the pubs. The bride-to-be was not young, but the slogan emblazoned across her party gear read: “Half a hunner. But still a stunner!”
Down to earth
A MEMBER of the Kinloss Nimrod squadron has put a Nimrod up for sale on the auction site eBay stating: “Relisted due to complete timewasters -- Government pulled out of deal.”
He adds: “Don’t worry about storage. I will have several hangars listed soon.” And the seller says he is willing to take the backbone of the Prime Minister and his fellow MPs in part exchange, if they can be found.
Men of the same cloth
FUNERAL eulogies, continued. An Ayrshire reader tells us he attended a funeral where the minister was reading notes provided by the family as he personally did not know the deceased. When he read out that the departed, even when seriously ill, had a weekly rant about the deficiencies of South Ayrshire Council, he turned to the family and said: “I wish I’d met your dad. We’d have got on well.”
Debt of ingratitude
A BISHOPBRIGGS young woman was watching telly with her parents when a documentary came on about the plight of the leopard, which could be extinct in 20 years because of poaching. She excitedly declared she was going to donate money to such a worthwhile cause when her dad told her: “I’ll probably be extinct in 20 years too. So how about repaying the money you owe me?”
Spice of life
THE “Movember” campaign was launched this week in Edinburgh, to encourage Scots to grow a moustache during November to raise awareness of men’s health issues. The older gentleman’s scent, Old Spice, is one of the partners of the campaign, and as Justin Coughlin of Movember, declared at the launch: “Everyone in this room was probably conceived with a little bit of Old Spice.”
Wayne’s world
AN EVERTON fan tells us: “Man United’s Wayne Rooney wants to play in a different division next season. So he’s going to sign for Liverpool.”
Moving on
Talking of football, a reader says a chap came into his local and said: “The girlfriend says she is leaving me as I’m obsessed with football.” He then added: “She can’t do that before the January transfer window, can she?”
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