Piece in our time

Diary Editor

Monday 4 April 2011

GLAMOROUS Glasgow jazz trio, the Swingcats (pictured), currently touring Scotland, recently met the lighting engineer of one of Britain's biggest rock bands on a plane.

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Ken Smith

He told them that one of the big stars in the band always carries a piece with him wherever he goes.

Says Swingcat Alyson Orr: “We told him that we carried pieces everywhere as well, as you’re never sure what the airline food is going to be like. We got quite excited about a world-famous rock star carrying a packed lunch until the engineer quietly pointed out he meant a gun, not tuna and sweetcorn.”

Estranged daysHOLIDAYS continued. Russell Smith recalls: “After take-off on our return flight to Glasgow from Tenerife recently, the young stewardess came up to me and in a loud voice enquired, ‘Are you the man that’s split up frae his wife?’“I replied, ‘I’m thinking about it, but how did you know?’ This got a laugh from the passengers around us, and hopefully kept the wife on her toes.“What she was trying to do, of course, was to accommodate a husband and wife who had been allocated separate seats.”Cheek and cheerfulWE don’t know how his relationship is faring, but a chap was overheard by a reader in a Glasgow pub declare on Friday: “April Fool’s Day is great.”He then added: “My girlfriend totally believes I’m on my way to collect her at the airport.”Thrills and spillsIT’S not often that Glasgow’s Partick area and American satirist Dorothy Parker are mentioned in the same sentence, which is why we tell you about the launch of Partick tapas bar Pintxo’s new chef and menu last week, which attracted a crowd of the west end glitterati. Flowerbeds on a raised frame now adorn the outside of Pintxo, and ladies gathering outside for a smoke balanced their voluminous handbags on the frame until it suddenly tipped over, scattering expensive handbags everywhere.At that moment a chap sitting outside sipping chilled sauvignon while observing the mayhem recalled Miss Parker’s pithy homily: “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”Blow and behold OUR mention of safeblower Paddy Meehan reminds a fellow hack of when Meehan was granted a Royal Pardon after being convicted of a murder he never committed. Leaving court he was bundled into a van by a Scottish tabloid newspaper and taken to a remote hotel where he spent the evening boozing in the hotel bar.As he finally staggered to his room Meehan glanced in the manager’s office and saw a large safe. The manager, who had been listening to him recount his tales of larceny, looked alarmed and quickly told him: “Honest – there’s nothing in it.”“It’s OK. Just looking,” replied Meehan as he tottered off.

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