FOLLOWING on from the Ontario cafe with a unique way of dealing with lackadaisical parenting, Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway has developed its own effective method of deterrent, notes Gavin Rodger.

Fat chance

WITH new research from the University of Aberdeen revealing that Scots are genetically programmed to eat fatty foods and drink to excess, Claire Phillips has just one lingering question: “Does my bum look big in these genes?”

Frank talk

FRANK Murphy brings news of a very special guest appearance at the forthcoming “downright dirty Pin Ups Red Light Night” at The Flying Duck nightclub in Glasgow.

None other than former Celtic footballer and legendary lady killer Frank McAvennie has been lined up to do a DJ set. “Stones, Beatles, Kinks – but where’s the Byrds?” reads the flyer. Let’s party like it’s 1987...

Snared?

FOSTER Evans, meanwhile, was alarmed to spot an advert for an event titled “Drumming For Drinks” to be held at Todds Bar in Glasgow as part of the World Pipe Band Championships.

“In Townhead? Has there been a risk assessment?” he asks.

Assertive

MORE muddled language moments come from Steve Doyle who resides in the Pays Basque in South West France where mispronunciation of certain words is even more fraught due to the high number of different accents in a relatively small area.

“With many words in French spoken without sounding the last letter, the small difference in pronunciation between the word ‘beaucoup’, meaning ‘a lot’, can sound like ‘beau cul’, meaning ‘nice ass.’

“Thankfully the ladies round here are generally very understanding and just smile coquettishly,” he reports.

Top of the range

AFTER yesterday’s tale of book snobbery (“Can you take the stickers off, please? Our daughter won’t read these if she knows they cost £1 ...”) comes welcome news that others are altogether more embracing.

Our correspondent overheard two friends discussing the merits of a mutual acquaintance in a Glasgow cafe.

“She didn’t go to a private school, but she’s from a good family – they have an Aga,” was the generous consensus.