Port in a storm

Ken Smith

Diary Editor

Wednesday 26 September 2012

AND a chap in an Aberdeen pub the other night remarked: "I can't believe how strong the winds are.

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Ken Smith

"The wife sent me out for some milk, and I got blown right in here."

Upgrade envy

LONDON-BORN designer Sir Jonathan Ive, the man responsible for most of Apple product designs, has just bought a $17 million mansion in San Francisco.

As a reader tells us: "I'm hoping in six months there will be a slightly better, much more expensive, mansion built just down the road that will make him very jealous."Defying gravityOUR tales of school pupils' replies, remind John Bannerman of being in school in Kilwinning many years ago – the school inspector arrived when they were in a science class, pointed at a young John and asked him: "You look semi-intelligent; tell me what is the greatest force in nature."Says John: "Expecting the reply 'gravity' he was less than amused when I answered, 'Brute force, sir'. When he'd gone, the teacher dispensed swift retribution. My hands were warm for a week."Change of tuneJANIS Shinie in Edzell notices an advertisement in the Brechin Advertiser for a concert being given by Tayside Symphony Orchestra in Forfar, in which the programme included "Beethoven's Symphony No 3, the Erotica Symphony." Says Janis: "I wonder how many non-musical buffs were disappointed?" Rate of exchangeRUGBY ref Ed Crozier was dropping his son off for his son's game at Cartha Queen's Park ground in Glasgow when he stopped to chat with Cartha club stalwart George Buchanan, manning the gate, who asked Ed for the £5 admission fee. When Ed said he was only dropping his son off, and not staying for the game, George replied: "Because you're leaving, it'll now be £10 – think of it as a departure tax, and think yourself lucky I'm not adding on a fiver, because you're a referee."Ed paid up.Back to frontYES it's Freshers' Week at some universities, which reminds a retired police officer of stopping an intoxicated student who was walking backwards down Sauchiehall Street. The student told him he was making sure no-one sneaked up on him.Happiness is ...NASTY weather the last couple of days. As writer and comic Susan Calman, pictured, put it: "When it's windy in Glasgow I'm happy I had my windows done."Then I realise what makes me happy has dramatically changed through the years."

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Port in a storm

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