OUR tales of talking posh remind a reader of a new take on an old story.

She tells us: "I had a friend's wee boy over for dinner and served melon as the first course. He asked if I had any ginger.

" 'Irn-Bru or Coke,' I replied. He just looked at me and said, 'Cinnamon will do if you don't have any'."

When west meets east

WE mentioned Edinburgh travel writer Patrick Richardson's just published autobiography In Search Of Landfall. Our eyes fall on one passage where Patrick explains: "I went with a friend to a pub in Edinburgh's Portobello Road where she picked up a man and I picked up a sexy-looking, reddish-haired young woman. We took them back to a friend's flat where I was mortified to discover 'she' was a Glaswegian shipyard welder in drag."

We're shocked. A Glaswegian going for a night out in Edinburgh?

What's in a nickname

SANDY Jardine was an utter gentleman, and the death of the Rangers great is a sad loss. We liked his explanation of his name Sandy. Although christened William Jardine, when he arrived at Ibrox a member of staff looked at his hair colour and said: "Hey Sandy!" He knew the name had stuck when he was signing autographs for boys hanging about outside Ibrox with "Billy Jardine" but the lads would look at it and ask suspiciously: "I thought your name was Sandy?"

"It wasn't worth fighting," said Sandy, and he changed his autograph.

Text for the day

MOBILE phones continued. A woman looked at her phone and announced to her pals: "My husband has texted me to say I was very condescending to him this morning.

"To be honest, I'm surprised he can spell it."

Same again, please

WE have always admired Australians' plain speaking. It seems that New Zealanders share the same trait. A Renfrewshire reader visiting Havelock on the South Island was reading the meal options on a chalk board outside a pub there and read what was listed under "Today's special". It said: "Yesterday's leftovers."

Spanish lesson

JOHN Park in Motherwell has returned from an Easter holiday on Tenerife where the Scottish comic doing a turn at the hotel was aware that there were children in the audience despite it being a late show. Says John: "The first thing he said was, 'Now children, if any of you inadvertently repeat any of my sweary, bad words in class, just tell the teacher it's Spanish - a primary school teacher won't know the difference'."

Till the cows come home FARMER Stewart Halley has just turned 90, but is still running his dairy farm near Larkhall in Lanarkshire. It explains why, when being taken to accident and emergency after a recent fall, and asked by the doc if he was allergic to anything, Stewart replied: "Retiring."

He then went on to explain that he had spent his life doing a job he loved. The careworn medic simply replied: "You lucky b*******."

Ruff question

WE have to agree with a reader who asks us: "Why is it you can't talk to a dog without asking it a question?"