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Pregnant pause

READER Alec Logan alerts us to the story of a businessman, reading his Kindle on board a crowded Underground train, who was interrupted by a young woman.

"May I have your seat, please?" she asked. "I'm pregnant."

He wasted no time in giving her his seat - but then, beginning to wonder if he'd been duped, he told her: "I have to say, you don't look as if you're pregnant".

"Well, no," she conceded. "It was only half-an-hour ago, but it does so tire one."

Reunion date

RORY Bremner is keen to see more comedy in the indyref debate and Kevin Bridges has obliged him.

Interviewed on a BBC Radio 4 show in Manchester for his thoughts on independence, Kevin made the audience laugh when he suggested a four-year return clause - on the grounds that if independence is a total disaster, "you need to take us back".

Actually, come to think of it, that's not a bad idea.

Quine and dine

MORE post-indy Scottish telly programmes.

Andy Ewan offers Come Quine With Me, in which Aberdonian lads invite a range of local women round to their houses for a meal; and The Only Way is Nae Sex - a documentary about a Scottish Government project aimed at reducing teenage pregnancies in Dundee.

A breid apart

ED Hunter, meantime, comes up with Zzzzzzzzed Cars (a very boring remake of the popular old police programme); Far From The Madding Crowd (the Firhill story) and Mother's Pride And Prejudice (on the denigration of white breid by wholemeal fundamentalists).

Whit next?

OTHER suggestions:

Strictly Are Ye Dancin? - a dance-off competition for couples set in the old Locarno ballroom (Diane Cumming);

Pointless - a video diary of Hearts' 2013/14 season; Upstairs, Downstairs - a dramatic biopic about a Glasgow postie (both Graham Richmond);

Doctor, Whit - a Scots version of Embarrassing Bodies (George Crawford;)

Doon Toon, Cabbie - a Glasgow drunk's precise directions to the taxi driver to get himself home (Paul and Marie Cortopassi);

The Wan Show - in which Tommy and Gail Sheridan discuss the benefits of tanning salons (Alan Turnbull).

The sender of the best entry will win a dinner for two at Glasgow's Urban Bar and Brasserie.

Onesies fit all

ONESIES: A fad that for some reason shows no sign of abating.

Reader Bob Storrar acknowledges that onesies have become enormously popular this winter, with people all ages wearing them.

"I confess I've not been taken with the fad," he goes on, "because when I spent my youth in the Garngad, in Glasgow, that item of apparel was called a biler suit ..."

Game's a bogey

AND finally ... conclusive proof Scottish football is gubbed, from the Christmas edition of The Spectator, no less.

Responding to a survey on what he would have told his 14-year-old self, historian Niall Ferguson said: "Start supporting Arsenal now. Scottish football is doomed."

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