STEPHEN Lowe, who is bringing his play, based on the great socialist treatise The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, to The Assembly in George Street during the Edinburgh Festival, is hoping his publicity machine will be more successful than when his play Touched was performed in Edinburgh.
The then director ordered special T-shirts for the girls distributing leaflets around Edinburgh, but when the girls tried them on they objected to going around the city with shirts that read across the front: "Touched by Stephen Lowe".
IT'S been a while since we mentioned the great Dundee record store Groucho's and its collection of daft conversations between staff and customers who are not always on the ball. Like the customer who couldn't find what he wanted and asked if there were any other record shops around.
"HMV," replied the assistant.
"How do you spell that?" asked the customer.
GROUCHO'S also sells concert tickets, which is why a customer once asked: "What time is The Damned gig?"
"The doors open at half past eight," said the assistant.
"Are The Doors playing as well?" asked the surprised customer.
The body politic
THE SCOTTISH Junior Cup final was played in glorious sunshine at Almondvale on Sunday between Shotts Bon Accord and Ayrshire favourites Auchinleck Talbot. At one point two comely blonde ladies, a bit scantily clad due to the searing temperatures, were watched by fans heading to one of the stands, and there was a discussion about which team they supported.
"They can't be from Auchinleck," opined one football seer.
"Why not," asked his mate.
"No tattoos," he replied.
Grace and favour
OUR tale of the restaurant customers who were mistaken for praying at their table while they were actually busy looking down and texting on their mobiles reminds chef Andy Cumming of when he worked in Edinburgh during the Church of Scotland's General Assembly.
A young waitress who didn't realise a group from the assembly were saying grace at their table rushed into the kitchen to ask what to do as she thought the entire table had fallen asleep.
JOHN Duffy tells us an Edinburgh gag: "Two auld Edinburgh worthies were passing a palmist's in Princes Street Gardens and one went in to get his palm read while his pal waited. The first chap came out happy as Larry and his mate asked, 'Good news then?'
"'Aye she telt me how ah wis going to die,' the first chap replied.
"'What's good aboot that?' asked his pal.
"'Ahm gonnae be run ower by a tram in Leith Walk,' he told him."
We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis. If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules, which are available here.
Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.