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Ready for a tasty profit

YES, Glaswegians are determined to give a good welcome to Games visitors.

Still Game actor Gavin Mitchell tells us: "Met a nice wee happy guy in Tesco's who told me, 'Aye ah'm across the road in the pub there wi' some English people - ye know The Games' innat. Never tried tablet. Tablet! Imagine that! Cannae huv that. Poor souls.' He produced his shopping bag full of it, winked and staggered into the traffic back towards the pub."

Sport is a drug

EQUALLY, radio producer Gus Beattie claimed: "Glasgow is so vibrant today, even the junkies queuing for their methadone at Maryhill Health Centre were shouting, 'Glesgae 2014 ya bams'. But we think he was joking.

Wrong kind of award

GOOD to see that Clyde, the Games mascot, has already won an award. The satirical American television show Last Week Tonight described Clyde as "winner of the creepiest mascot on earth competition". So maybe not the prize the organisers were hoping for.

Incidentally, the show tried to explain the Commonwealth Games to Americans by stating: "A once mighty nation gathering together the nations it lost, and finding a way to lose to them once more."

Stuff that price

INCIDENTALLY, if you are a fan of creepy Clyde you can buy a 3ft stuffed toy version of him in the official Games store for £100. Ouch. One wee girl who picked up Clyde asked her mum if she could have it. Mum glanced at the price tag, and without pausing replied: "Come and get an ice cream instead." The delighted wee girl dumped Clyde and headed for the door.

Only 10,000 miles out

LIKE children during the war being evacuated to the country, officials and athletes have been wandering around Glasgow with large plastic passes strung around their necks. A reader tells us it's a shame geography was not compulsory in Scottish schools as he saw a fit young man in Buchanan Street with a plastic card around his neck on which was a red and white flag with a maple leaf in the middle of it. "I wonder where's he's from?" said a young woman.

"Australia," replied her pal, authoritively.

Trouble in store

BACK in Glasgow for the Games was former Hutchie boy Ken Bruce, who was presenting his Radio 2 show from the BBC's Pacific Quay. With him was his Welsh traffic news broadcaster Lynn Bowles, who was trying to learn some Glasgow patter to throw at Ken. As Lynn explained, she asked a Glasgow woman to teach her "some Glasgow phrases". It must have been the Welsh accent as the Glasgow woman replied: "Oh, I work in Fraser's."

River City security blunder

WE mentioned the Queen's Baton arriving in Glasgow after a far-reaching run around Scotland accompanied by an overwhelming number of police officers. As David Will in Milngavie observes: "Having seen the major police presence that surrounded the Queen's Baton in Milngavie, I was surprised to see not a police officer in sight as Molly ran the baton through the mean streets of Sheildinch in BBC Scotland's soap River City.

"Perhaps the Shieldinch police were relying on local hood Lenny to see it went ahead without a hitch,"

Capital train of thought

SCOTRAIL was a bit jumpy when Glasgow's Central Station ground to a halt on Tuesday evening due to a signalling fault. As one traveller in the crowd of stranded commuters observed loudly: "Is it too late to move the Games to Edinburgh?"

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