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Right royal bust-up

THE Queen is uppermost in the minds of many folk just now.

Reader Nigel Robson recalls: "In London, where I worked briefly in the early 1970s, a newspaper seller's placard boldly declared one afternoon, 'Queen in rumpus at Palace'.

"Only after parting with their pennies did readers discover it related to former St Mirren and Kilmarnock striker Gerry Queen getting into trouble at his then club Crystal Palace."

Redundant question

AND looking behind the glamour at the economic realities, Martin Morrison in Lochinver ponders: "Next time the Queen is doing a meet and greet with the masses, perhaps Her Majesty could factor in the recession and politely ask people, 'And what did you do?'"

Piped music

A READER in the douce Renfrewshire enclave of Kilmacolm tells us the village's gentility was stirred last week by the arrival of three police cars and the police helicopter overheard. Someone, it seems, had reported a strange man in nearby woods with a gun in his mouth.

The panic was over when they discovered it was in fact a local piper practising his chanter in said woods.

Sunk without trace

IT is the time of year when folk in Glasgow offices are asked to sponsor colleagues running in the men's 10k race in Ballahouston Park on Father's Day this month. We hear of one Glasgow office where a chap asked for sponsorship replied: "Ran in it myself in 2008."

He then added: "Realised it was to be my last race when I was beaten in a photo finish by the guy in the diving suit."

Walking tall

OUR mention of American actor George Wendt, Norm in Cheers, appearing at the Edinburgh Fringe, and our suggestion that Norm sounded like a fatalistic, unfit Scotsman, is confirmed by David Speedie who tells us: "In one episode Norm walks into Cheers and Sam asks: 'What you up to, Norm?'

"He replied: 'My ideal weight – if I was 11 feet tall.'"

Maintenance free

WE asked for your tales of tenants, and a reader claims he was in a party of tourists being shown around a Speyside castle when the guide enthusiastically explained: "Although the main tower is over 400 years old, not a stone has been touched, nothing has been altered and nothing replaced in that time."

"Sounds like the same landlord as me," piped up a Glaswegian in the party.

Boxing clever

THE inaugural Calderstock free music festival was held in East Kilbride's Calderglen Country Park the weekend before last in glorious sunshine.

In fact it was so sunny that the volunteer recording engineer had to put his PC and then his head in a cardboard box to avoid the glare making it impossible to see the screen. When he eventually emerged, blinking in the sunshine, he got a cheer from the crowd when a musician from the band Holy Pistol Club, performing at the time, announced: "Look, he's oot his box."

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