SO what's been happening in Glasgow's pubs?

Reader Alex Gordon tells us: "Munro's Bar on Great Western Road put on Facebook, 'Has anyone lost a hamster? We found someone's furry pal taking refuge in our doorway last night. He's safely at Anna's and we've temporarily named him Heverlee. If no one claims him he's going in the curry. Joke. That would be awful. The curry's veggie. We'll probably stick him in the chilli'."

Hungry work

GOOD to see TV presenter Lorraine Kelly is to receive a special award at the Scottish Baftas. We remember Lorraine hosting a previous Scottish Baftas night that went on for hours, leaving the guests starving for the meal that was being served after. Still Game's Ford Kiernan went up for an award and said: "Dear God - a bag of crisps, a boiled egg, something to keep us going." Lorraine merely smiled and told him: "You should have had your tea before you came out."

You don't get that at the Oscars.

Party animal

IT was the last First Minister's Questions yesterday for Alex Salmond. We like his farewell interview in Holyrood magazine when he was asked about the Tory MSPs. "They are individually, of course, very delightful people," said Alex. "They are the sort of people you might invite round for cheese and wine because you wanted some interesting conversation, but collectively they are far removed from anything that could be seen as the mainstream of Scottish political opinion." Ouch!

Burning issue

TALKING of Alex, Sussex Police have said no criminal activity took place when an effigy of the First Minister was burned at a Lewes bonfire night. Tory MSP Murdo Fraser remarked: "Shocking that the Crown Prosecution Service decided that no crime was committed in Lewes. There was, and a serious one. Wasting police time."

Parachute games

MEANWHILE over at the Labour Party, a member of a Glasgow branch tells us about their meeting to vote on their new Scottish leader. Now you have to know your Second World War history for this one, but the discussion got round to whether a Labour MSP should stand down to let Jim Murphy into the parliament, but as one old Labour hand declared: "We all know the fate of the last right-winger who was parachuted into Eaglesham."

Incidentally, Jim lost the branch's nomination by one vote to Neil Findlay.

He shoots, he scores

STILL much chat about that landing on the speeding comet. As Don Landry put it: "Think I know how the European Space Agency scientists feel. I once threw an empty drinks can into the back of a pick-up truck as it pulled away. True story."

Under surveillance

WE mentioned the charity WaterAid collecting toilet jokes, and Fergus Duncan in Dunfermline says: "One

I liked was the graffiti on the male toilet door 'My wife is so suspicious

of me that she follows me every time

I go out'. Underneath in bold letters, 'No I don't'."

Easy target

ALSO in old jokes corner, Jim Slavin in Linlithgow dusts off: "The article 'Zulu letter auctioned' in Wednesday's Herald reminded of the terrible joke, 'What was the name of the first Zulu killed at Rorke's Drift? It was Will, because Michael Caine told all his men, 'Fire at Will'.

"I didn't say it was a good one."