THE St Johnstone celebrations after their first Scottish Cup win continued in Perth yesterday with thousands thronging the streets to see the cup being paraded in an open-top bus.

A BBC reporter claimed that his Dundee United supporting colleague, Jim Spence, was thrown off the bus for trying to dodge paying his fare.

Earlier in the day, Tory MSP Murdo Fraser revealed: "Nice touch from the organist at Kinnoull Church in Perth this morning to give us a rendition of 'When the Saints go marching in'."

Flagging up issues

THE Barras continued. Bobby Buirds tells us: "The wife's cousin was over from Charleston, South Carolina, and visited the Barras a few years ago. She was looking for a flag for her car aerial, and she asked the stall holder, 'Have you got a Scottish flag I can put on my antenna?'

"The guy replied, 'Mrs - what planet are you from?' The place fell apart."

Cans for bams

WE read the news story that the makers of the bams' dram, Buckfast, will be bringing out a version of the fortified wine in cans rather than glass bottles - safety campaigners say it will mean fewer drunken bottle attacks.

Anyway it reminds us of when the prestigious New York Times had a reporter in Coatbridge writing about Buckfast and he gave a flavour of the Lanarkshire town by putting in print: "'It goes straight to your head,' said passer-by Martin Rooney, 48, 'but it's not my cup of tea' (Mr Rooney noted that his cup of tea is half a bottle of vodka a night)."

Patient problems

A GP swears to us that a patient came in complaining about a terrible pain on his big toe.

"Gout," the doctor told him.

"But I've only just got here," the patient replied.

European dreams

WE thought jokes about football boss David Moyes would have ended since his exit from the Manchester United job. But a final one from a reader down south who tells us: "I hear that the right wing Ukip party is trying to sign up Moyes to be a party official - they're very impressed how quickly he was able to get United out of Europe."

Euro-optimists

The lighter side of the independence referendum - a Diary fan in London heard a young woman tell her pal: "If Scotland gets independence at least we'll have someone who votes for us in the Eurovision song contest."

A royal error

A NEW take on Scottish history. John Cameron in Dunfermline was in Edinburgh, and overheard: "There was an American family discussing Scottish history. The mother explained to the others, 'William Wallace abdicated, so Elizabeth got the throne.'"

Cone risks

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to ask: "Do you think sculptors should be told to add a stone traffic cone to the head of any new town-centre statues to discourage drunk students from risking death at three in the morning?"

Cup dreams

WE end our quest for suggestions on what the slogan would be on the Scotland bus if we were at the World Cup finals. The final suggestion is the plaintive "Haste Ye Back" from Iain Keay. It's kinder than Allan Stevenson in Braco's suggestion - "Here today. Gone tomorrow".