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Seeing is believing

OUR mention of the late great Irish comic Frank Carson reminds Scottish entertainer Andy Cameron of Frank's great charity work.

At one such event Frank took Andy to meet his mum, Ruby, in Belfast. Says Andy: "Ruby lost an eye when she was 60 and when we entered the house she was dozing in front of the fire. When Frank called out, 'Ruby here's that Andy Cameron over from Glasgow to see you,' she was startled for a moment and then she came out with the classic line, 'Oh hello Andy, sorry about that – I was just having 20 winks.'"

Sore point

THE news that Scots Labour MP Eric Joyce was arrested for allegedly headbutting the Tory MP for Pudsey in a House of Commons bar makes reader Les Hoggan ponder: "Wouldn't it be great if the Pudsey MP copies his namesake and wears a red polka-dot bandage over his head?"

Double trouble

OF course, MPs having a drink or two is not a new phenomenon. A Blanefield reader reminds us of the noted epigram when Pitt the Younger staggered into the House of Commons after drinking lashings of port and said to his drinking companion: "I cannot see the Speaker, Hal; can you?"

To which his fellow MP replied: "Not see the Speaker, Will? Why I see two!"

Soapy bubble

FOLK singer Danny Kyle continues to be fondly remembered. Says reader John Hart: "We were at a concert when Danny asked the audience to sing a very simple song with him. The words he told us were 'Soap, soap, soap, soap,' etc. After the somewhat bemused and embarrassed audience finished singing, Danny announced, 'Thank you for these few bars of soap.'"

Bargaining power

CAR showrooms continued. Ronnie Bruckshaw in Greenock was at an Arnold Clark dealership on Paisley Road years ago when the great Arnold Clark himself showed Ronnie a car, but he left without buying. He tells us: "We then went to another dealership also owned by Arnold, close by. We were talking to a salesman when Arnold breezes in. Passing us he said, 'Hello, nice to see you again'.

"After he passed, the salesman said, 'Do you know Mr Clark?'

"'Of course we do,' I replied. 'Now how good a deal can you give us on this car?'"

Kepp calm and carry on

JIM Fitzpatrick tells us about a friend renewing her car insurance by telephone. Says Jim: "The Q&A session was going well until she was asked if she was hormonal. At this point she lost the plot and had a bit of a rant at the telesales person over this stupid and blatantly sexist question. When he eventually managed to calm her down he said, 'I am sorry madam but you must have misheard me. I asked you if you were a homeowner'."

So unfair

WE are trying not to intrude on the grief of Rangers Football Club, but reader John Jamieson in Ayr declares: "I understand one of Rangers' tax bills has risen to £15 million plus penalties. Typical, even the tax man is giving them penalties now."

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