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Sew far, sew good

STRANGE how things that were once the norm now seem so alien.

A Bearsden mum tells us her son was visiting his granny where he was puzzled by a small, lumpy piece of material, and asked what it was.

"A pin cushion," replied gran.

"Why do you want to make your pins comfortable?" he asked.

Alarming call

CAR repairs continued. David Brownlee recounts a friend who had to take his new expensive car back to the dealer as its alarm was going off for no reason. Says David: "Three trips to the dealer and lots of scratching of heads did not solve the problem, for as usual the problem did not arise in the garage. That night his wife asked if he had fitted the kitchen smoke alarm she had thoughtfully placed in his toolbox in the boot of his car so he would not forget to do so."

Remote control

A west end woman was telling her friends she and her husband were running late to go out for dinner with her parents when he shouted at her: "I can't find my phone."

She thought she came up with a smart reply when she told him: "Just take the TV remote, put it on the table, and stare at it instead."

Sporting spirit

THAT great golfing occasion the Ryder Cup is coming to Gleneagles next year. Kenny Reid wonders if there are other Scottish connections with the trophy. In the 1950s the Ryder Cup took place at Thunderbird Country Club and Eldorado Country Club in the US and Kenny is curious as to whether both clubs were started by jaikie Scotsmen.

Say what you mean

BUS conversations continued. A reader on the 66 bus heard a young girl ask her pal: "Does this skirt unflatter me badly?"

He mentally agreed with the pal who replied: "I wouldn't even know how to answer that question."

Healthy attitude

JUNIOR Health Minister at Westminster Anna Soubry says smoking in cars should be banned to protect children.

As one smoker who drives his kids to school tells us: "I've decided not to smoke with the kids in the car.

"The walk will do them good."

Put the boot in

BOY band crooner Harry Styles of One Direction, below, was hit in the "haw maws" as one fan put it, by a shoe thrown by a girl at his Glasgow concert. It reminds us of when an Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at then President George W Bush who managed to duck. When asked about it after Bush calmly replied: "If you want the facts, it was a size 10."

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