Self-styled “Lachie Strummer”, a blogger from Sleat on Skye, has explained how he deals with unsolicited telephone cold-callers – he places the phone beside his CD player and serenades them with Fergie Macdonald’s Ceilidh House album.
Explains Lachie: “If they haven’t hung up by the end of the second track, then it’s very possible that a Strip the Willow is being danced in a call centre in or around Karachi.”
Smart thinking
A SINGLE guy in the pub the other night was asked if he had tried internet dating. But as he explained: “If you read the adverts for Match.com, there are thousands of good looking, clever, successful, smart people joining every day.
“So what chance would I have?”
Marching orders
OUR mention of pub quiz teams reminds Liam Chalmers in Dumfries of his favourite – Ewan Hughes Army.
Familiar face
READER Jim Buchan experienced the generation gap while walking along Glasgow’s Kilmarnock Road. He spotted singer and actress Lorraine McIntosh, whom he recognised from performing on Deacon Blue’s iconic anthem Dignity.
However, one Shawlands Academy pupil, who did a double-take as Lorraine passed, and almost dropped her lunchtime steak-bake, shouted at her pals: “Oh, my God, you pure know who that was bytheway?”
Then added: “That was Deke’s maw frae River City.”
Suits you, sir
AN EDINBURGH history teacher, whose pride and joy is his 1973 Reliant Scimitar car, was asked in all seriousness by a pupil if he became a history teacher because he had an old car.
“I didn’t even want to ask why he thought people became biology teachers,” he tells us.
How the other half live
WE overhear some ladies in a west end coffee shop discussing the excitement of the upmarket Waitrose chain opening a store in Byres Road. “Do you know they’ve run out of goose fat already?” exclaimed one.
And her pal replied: “They’re supposed to be selling Krug champagne at £127 a bottle, but they had none on the shelves. I think they’re too worried to put them out because it’s Glasgow, and they’ll get nicked.”
Logical songs?
HARASSED shop assistants at this time of year reminds us of the story in the just published The Herald Diary book by Ken Smith (Black and White Publishing, £9.99) of the customer in the DVD shop who asked if they had anything by The Doors.
“A fat security guard and a Big Issue seller,” replied the assistant.
Where’s the beef?
A READER tells us one of the old chaps in his golf club was commenting on the two Beefeaters sacked for bullying Moira Cameron, pictured, the Tower of London’s first woman Yeoman Warder.
The old fellow argued: “The great tradition of Beefeaters has ticked along proudly for over a thousand years. Months after the first female Beefeater joins this noble group, there are sackings regarding bullying and sexual harassment.
Now, I’m no rocket scientist, but can anyone else see the lesson here?”
