GREAT weather at the weekend.
The only cautionary note was struck by the overhead gantry on the M80 at Stepps on Saturday which read: "Is your car ready for winter?" Fin Shearer of Newlands wondered whether to head home and stick the snow shovel back in the boot.
MEN, in truth, can get a bit bored when doing the weekly shop with their spouses. A reader heard one chap ask his wife in the toothpaste aisle of a Glasgow Asda: "Yon extra sensitive toothpaste. Do you think it doesn't like it when you use other toothpastes?"
WE forget how mobile phones and the internet have changed the world of communication. A retrospective of the work of artist Liz Knox at Maclaurin Galleries in Ayr includes a collage of mementoes from her student days at Edinburgh College of Art in the late 1960s. There is a worrying telegram from her mother which simply states: "Please phone. Very worried. Mother." Liz has added the explanatory note: "This is what happens when you don't phone home for a whole term."
A SCOUT leader in the suburbs of Edinburgh was lost for words after he had set the lads the task of monitoring what birds visited their gardens over recent days. One chap said he had seen either a cormorant or a shag in his garden. But another nine-year-old, who knew that such sea birds rarely travelled so far inland, shouted out: "You can't get a shag in Balerno."
Paws for thought
THE odd things you see in Glasgow. A reader was passing by a prestigious building in the city centre where he watched a woman carrying a basket with a cat in it being escorted off the premises by two security personnel. She was loudly telling them: "I did see the sign. It only said no dogs."
Place in the pecking order
OUR tributes to the late Jocky Wilson, twice world darts champion, should also mention a Diary reader seeing Jocky play an exhibition match on Skye which was refereed by a local worthy who took himself far too seriously.
At one point he said to the vodka-gargling Jocky: "I have to remind you, I'm the referee." And Jocky replied: "And I have to remind you that I'm the champion of the world, and you're a wee bampot."
This fare's fair
SNP ministers Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Neil were posing for photos on the Glasgow Subway, having announced £246 million being made available to upgrade the system.
"I hope they've bought a ticket," muttered one passenger waiting for the delayed train to leave.
Beside her Eric Stewart, SPT's assistant chief executive, gallantly replied: "Actually they've just given us £250m. I think they've paid their way."
Keep the spirits up
JIMMY Manson in Ayr brings us the good news that the whisky bottling plant in Kilmarnock which has just closed is to be reopened. He explains: "There will be a new whisky blended in Kilmarnock called The Celt.
"Bottled twice in a week."
We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis. If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules, which are available here.
Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.