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Sparkling company

WEST end bar The Sparkle Horse has a slate behind the bar on which the winning pub quiz team has its winnings chalked up, and then the team members can spend the cash on drinks.

This week's winners were the imaginatively named The Partick Swayzes, combining local geography and a late lamented American actor. After a few rounds, the prize money was much reduced so the slate simply read "Partick Swayzes, £3.50."

At that three American tourists came into the bar, spotted the slate and ordered: "Three Partick Swayzes." As the barman tried to think up a cocktail to give them, four regulars piped up that they would also like a Partick Swayze, so if you have any idea what should be in it, let us know.

An outsider

OUR nostalgic mention of Milanda bread reminds Jim Scott of being on a bus in Duke Street near the former Milanda Bakery when a youth got on wearing overalls with the slogan: "Mother's Pride" stitched on it.

The driver nodded at the badge and asked the chap: "Are you?"

Note to self

TRADITIONAL music festival Celtic Connections continues in Glasgow, with one of the performers asking his audience: "How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?"

He answered himself: "Put sheet music in front of him."

Fair reflection

A READER tells us she was in the ladies in a city centre bar when a young girl tugging a brush through her hair remarked to her pal: "They need to get some decent mirrors in here. I don't look good in any of these ones."

First time for everything

WE mentioned saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. A Paisley reader said his wife was moaning about something trivial he had forgotten to do, when he told her: "You sound like my ex-wife."

His shocked spouse told him he had never said he had been married before.

"I haven't," he told her.

In training

A READER in his London local was listening to the news about Gordon Strachan being made Scotland manager when an English chap further up the bar said: "Strachan says he's already preparing for the 2014 World Cup."

He added: "Must have bought himself a new telly."

Keep on running

KEEPING fit is on many minds in January. "I went out for a run at the weekend," said a chap in a Glasgow bar to his pals. "But had to go back after two minutes because I'd forgotten something."

When a mate asked what, he added: "I'd forgotten I'm fat, unfit and can't run for more than two minutes."

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