WHEN the First Minister was unavailable to attend the launch in Edinburgh this week of Pete Irvine's book, Scotland The Best 100 Places, Justice Minister Kenny MacAskill stepped into the breach.
"I'm used to disappointing people", he said to the assembled throng. "Usually they come along expecting to see Danny MacAskill" - the Scottish stunt cyclist.
A real belter
WE ended our stories about the belt, but Eddy Cavin resurrects the theme by telling us: "My granddaughter in Melbourne phoned for help with a school project about the 'olden days' and she was incredulous when told about being belted at school.
"At Cranhill, if you were late you had to wait behind as the lines went in. If Mr Robertson, PE dept, was on duty he had all the late comers race around the playground perimeter with the last boy in given the belt - one for each pupil in the 'race' ie six late comers, six of the belt, eight late comers, eight of the belt. The golden days of Scottish education?"
Poor sole
ONLY in the west end, we suspect. David Donaldson hears a mother in a Hyndland shoe shop tell her pleading daughter: "I didn't get my first pair of Uggs until I was 35."
Sure thing
WE thought it was a bit churlish of online Scottish bookmakers McBookie to announce yesterday after the resignation of Stuart McCall: "Couple of bets taken on Ian Cathro, assistant manager at Velencia to be the next Motherwell manager. From Valencia to North Lanarkshire? Will want his head tested."
But then we looked at the weather and thought: "They might have a point."
Ticket to ride
IT'S great what older folk get up to with their free bus passes. A south-side chap used his to go to the Barras to buy confectionery at Glickman's, reputedly Glasgow's oldest sweet shop. He was at the bus stop for his return when a young woman asked if he would like to spend time with her, as in the oldest profession.
Taken aback, he blurted out: "Naw, I've just spent all my money on sweeties," which is perhaps the oddest knock-back she has received.
Any more strange tales from the wonderful world of free bus travel?
Ewe beauty
OUR story about the reader who thought his wife was telling him: "I love you" when she was, in fact, referring to the island of Ewe, reminds a reader in Langside: "Shortly after my marriage, I woke up in the morning and said to my wife, 'That was really nice. During the night you said 'I need you' to me.
"She replied, 'Don't be daft. What I meant was that by accident I kneed you in the back'."
High time
DOUGIE McNicol in Bridge of Weir tells us: "According to Time magazine, 53 per cent of Americans believe marijuana should be legalised. It says that's 'an all-time high'. Who are we to argue?"
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