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Streets ahead

IT'S probably too late to change things now, what with the signs reading Gerry Rafferty Drive having gone up in a Paisley street, and the photographs having appeared in the papers.

But Chris O'Reilly and several other readers have written in to suggest – wouldn't it have been better to have called it Baker Street?

Flushed with ideas

STILL in Paisley: an elderly couple in the town were shocked to find a python wrapped around their toilet. They alerted the Scottish SCPA, who rescued the young royal python and christened her Lulu.

At which point, David Donaldson raises an eyebrow: "Isn't it a wee bit twee to call a python from Paisley Lulu?" he says. "Couldn't they have gone for something a bit more butch, like Flush Gordon?"

Up in smoke

CODE-breakers at GCHQ are reported to have been stumped by the secret coded wartime message found attached to a long-dead pigeon discovered in a chimney in Surrey. We think the message reads: "Urgent. Am stuck in chimney. Send help."

Revolving doors policy

AH, the immediacy of Twitter. No sooner had it been confirmed that Tony Hall would be the next director general of the BBC than some people were posting tweets that asked: "Has Tony Hall resigned yet?"

Say that again

EILEEN Paton says that while she needs glasses for distance, there's not much wrong with her hearing. But then she chanced upon Strictly Come Dancing, where a couple had just gained high marks and were being asked by the female presenter: "And did you realise you'd been given a standing ovulation for your performance?"

Mishearing or no, it's probably not the most appealing mental image to be left with.

Weegie wit

IAN Black's single-minded campaign to become Scotland's most prolific author continues. He has just brought out his 256th book, Greatest Weegie Wan-Liners, although when we contact Black and White Publishing in Embra they insist it's only his 20th, or thereabouts.

Anyway, it showcases some shining examples of Weegie wit, as in: "You wid be oot yer depth in a car-park puddle" and: "Ah'd bet money that when ye steyed at Michael Jackson's as a wean, he made you sleep in yer ain bed."

We also liked the sound of: "Ma Peter an' sex? This morning ah yased him tae time an egg", "She's goat a face oan her that would drive rats fae a barn" and: "He's that narra-mindit that when he walks, his earrings knock thegither."

Extra value

ERICA Rigg was in Glasgow's Buchanan Galleries when, at a shoe shop, she saw the following sign: three-for-two offer on all shoes and handbags.

"Do I need to grow another leg?" she asks.

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