MUSICIANS have set lists printed up so that everyone in the band knows what tune to strike up next, and it can cause confusion if they go missing, especially as they are often keenly sought by souvenir-hunting fans.
Mike Ritchie, at the Glasgow Americana Festival this week, noticed that on the set list of excellent American singer/songwriter Israel Nash Gripka was written "Steal this and lose 1 pinky toe!!".
Dressing down
OUR story of the Glasgow court case involving pornographic films being sold reminds former police officer Gerry MacKenzie of one such case where a bookshop in Glasgow had been raided and cine reel films - this was before the days of DVDs - were seized.
The court collapsed in mirth when one of the films was being shown to the jury, after it was discovered only at the end that it was being shown backwards.
The clue was when the cast started yanking their clothes on and walking backwards out of the door.
Lionised
PLANS to close the public counters in many police stations remind Robin Gilmour of the classic, that is, old, yarn of when Calderpark Zoo in Glasgow's east end was shutting, and one of the lions in transit to a new home escaped.
Says Robin: "The story goes that three wee boys ran breathless into Easterhouse Police Station shouting, 'Come quick - we've just see the lion in Lochend Road'.
"The officer, without lifting his head from his paperwork, replied: 'Listen boys, I'm in here on my own. It'll just have to fend for itself.'"
Any more police station tales?
Key offenders
TALKING of police, the Tayside Division of the new national police force yesterday issued a press release stating that it had launched a special operation "targeting organist criminals".
We didn't know that playing too loud for the choir, or pulling out the wrong stops, was taken so seriously up Dundee way, until it was explained to us that the police mean organised criminals, so church volunteers can rest easy.
Suitable remark
TRICKY thing this jogging lark. Ronnie Buchanan in Larkhall tells us about a pal's wife who got out of her car at work and suddenly realised she was still wearing her jogging pants rather than her normal business trouser suit.
She confidently strode into the office and announced: "Right, I am cleaning out that store today."
Pod cast?
TOURISTS continued. "On a cruise from Vancouver to Alaska," says Duncan McLaren from Cardonald, "I overheard a female American tourist ask the naturalist: 'What time do we see the whales?'"
Fat chance?
OUR tales of Slater's Menswear remind Ian Ross in Greenock of the chap who went into another menswear store which does not have the customer care levels of Slater's.
When the chap asked if they had a suit that would fit him, the surly salesman muttered: "I don't think we've even got a cubicle to fit you."
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