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Sweet time

GOOD to see how new technology can make some of our older traditions easier to handle.

Glasgow comedian Frankie Boyle yesterday tweeted Des Clarke, appearing in Aladdin at Glasgow's King's Theatre: "We're in the stalls. If you could throw the sweeties quite far, I'd appreciate it."

Piping up

JOHN DUFFY reads the headline on the BBC news website "School children 'denied bagpiping'" and imagines the children telling their teacher: "Please Miss, it wisnae us!"

Child's play

CHRISTMAS is over and many folk are now planning their summer holidays.

A Jordanhill reader tells us: "When we were young we went to North Berwick every year. One year my sister and I said we would like to go somewhere else but my father said we had nothing to complain about as the holiday destination was chosen democratically.

"I told him I didn't remember ever taking a vote and he told me, 'Of course not. Children don't get to vote'."

Vested interest

GOVAN philosopher Rab C Nesbitt was on the telly the other night where he declared: "2014 will be the year the great Scottish people will decide if they are to be shafted by Westminster or Holyrood." As a reader who saw Rab C commented: "Many a true word spoken in vest."

Clear as mud

THE sales still attracted a few folk to the centre of Glasgow yesterday, despite the dreich weather. One well-dressed gent passed a couple of young chaps in tracksuits who were gabbling to each other in very fast Glaswegian. The gent told his companion: "Even if the Bulgarians and Romanians do come over in droves they'll still make more sense than that."

Egged on

ONLINE shopping continues to grow in popularity. A colleague wanders over to tell us: "I've just ordered a chicken and an egg online from Amazon. So I'll let you know..."

To the left

UPDATING the Highway Code continued. Suggests Robert Bennie: "When approaching a roundabout you should place your hot coffee in cup holder, stop scrolling through your Facebook news feeds, and turn your dance CD down to a dull roar."

Or from Christine Pacione: "When driving on a motorway avoid the inside lane at all costs. When your exit appears make a sharp left turn across several lanes of traffic, avoiding any idiots on the inside lane."

Difficult case

A READER heading back to Glasgow for the New Year watched as frantic fellow passengers tried to squash their bulging cases into the storage areas on the plane while staff tried to get everyone to sit down. Behind him a passenger exclaimed: "Most folk here have been playing Tetris on their phones for years, but it still hasn't made them any better at fitting their cases in."

Telly vision

WE will announce the winner of our Scottish television programmes post-independence, who will receive dinner for two courtesy of Glasgow's Urban Bar and Brasserie, on Monday. Before we do we should add latecomers:

Braking Bad - poor drivers caught on camera. (Paul Cochrane).

Who Do You Think You Are, Pal? - a programme about combative Glaswegians. (Robert Menzies).

Panaroma - an inquiry into the scent of Co-op bread. (Brian Chrystal).

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