OUR tale of the chap trying to get out of National Service on fallacious medical grounds reminds Frank Miller: "Some of my older colleagues in Glasgow Libraries told of one of their number who tried a similar trick to avoid National Service.
When asked by the doc, 'When I speak, can you hear me clearly or is it just a murmur?' 'Just a murmur' came the reply.
"'Perfect hearing then,' said the doc."
COUNCIL elections today, so First Minister Alex Salmond was involved in the final electioneering in Edinburgh yesterday where an SNP supporter wielded her camera and asked him: "Gie's a flash o' yer gnashers, Eck." After the picture was taken Alex confided that he had initially misheard the request as asking for a flash of his knackers.
OUR story of the woman's 50th birthday being too close to her parents' golden wedding anniversay reminds retired police officer Alan Barlow of more innocent times in Greenock when he was called to the house of a young lad who had found an unexploded Second World War shell on a nearby hillside.
Says Alan: "His mother was showing signs of distress, as was I, when I joined her in the kitchen along with the bomb. She did not fear for her life or that of her son but that the local paper would get a hold of the story as 'Me and his faither is no merrit'. Bomb disposed of safely and Greenock Telegraph not informed. Result."
Watch the Q
A WORKER in a Glasgow call centre tells us he was taking down the address of a customer in Kirkintilloch, and asked him to repeat the postcode as he wasn't sure if the customer has said "PQ" or "BQ".
He still wasn't entirely sure of the postcode after the customer helpfully told him: "B for Bertie, Q for Cucumber."
A MILNGAVIE reader liked the positive attitude of his 90-year-old mother who broke a mirror and told him: "Seven years' bad luck, which at my age can only be good news."
READER Jim Fitzpatrick hears a chap in the pub declare: "It said in the wife's magazine that you burn as many calories having sex as you do in running a mile."
"Who can run a mile in 30 seconds?" came a voice from further up the bar.
THE damning Parliamentary report into Rupert Murdoch's running of News International reminds reader Norman Wilson: "For readers of a classical bent, they may recall Percy Bysshe Shelley's poem The Devil, in which the evil one 'Did appear like a slop-merchant from Wapping'.
"Now, that's what you call foresight."
We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis. If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules, which are available here.
Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.