THE TALE of the Tory Chief Whip allegedly calling a police officer a pleb has provoked much discussion.
A reader in a Knightsbridge pub yesterday overheard a woman haughtily ask: "But was the officer a pleb? No-one has cleared this up for me."
Back in Scotland, retired polis Alan Barlow recalls: "My old sergeant in Paisley, being an ex-Allan Glen's pupil, would reply to those who dared to mock him, that they were nothing but 'unprincipled mountebanks'."
Putting on the pounds
REASONS to distrust bankers, continued.
Dave Edmonston was in a Clydesdale Bank branch in Glasgow where he was reading a large poster which states that their premium account offers £50 cashback and it is illustrated by neat piles of £1 coins.
Dave took the time to count the coins. There are 51 of them.
Hit the spot
OUR tale of odd pupil replies reminds Robin Gilmour in Milngavie of the classic, ie old, tale of the Maryhill primary teacher asking her class: "Right, boys and girls – one, two, three, what comes after three?"
After a period of silence one little lad asked: "A smack, Miss?"
AN MSP swears to us that he was once chatting to the minister who had delivered the Time for Reflection homily before the sitting of the Scottish Parliament and chattily asked him if he had prayed for the MSPs.
The minister replied that having met the MSPs, he had decided to pray for the Scottish voters instead.
PUBLISHED this week is Looking for Mrs Livingstone, a moving biography of explorer David Livingstone's wife by Julie Davidson, a former columnist at The Herald.
Julie tells us that in the early stages of planning her travels in the footsteps of Mary, she mentioned to a magazine editor that there were now direct flights between Livingstone and Johannesburg, meaning of course Livingstone, in Zambia.
At that the chap looked startled and exclaimed: "You mean you can now fly directly from West Lothian to South Africa?"
Hair today ...
JIMMY Manson in Ayr, we fear, has delved into the old jokes cupboard and tells us: "Someone asked me last week how many haircuts I'd had in my lifetime, and I told them: "Off the top of my head, about 700."
A cut above
TALKING of haircuts, reader Les Hoggan was much taken with the news story from America of the group of Amish men who were found guilty of forcibly cutting the hair of other Amish men and women.
The leader's name? Samuel Mullet.
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