OUR dining tale reminds Craig Bradshaw: "My dad went to a posh hotel in Belfast for dinner where the waitress took his order, which included a starter of prawns Marie Rose.
"Ten minutes later she apologetically reappeared and asked him if he'd like to change his order to prawns Marie Celeste – as the kitchen had run out of prawns."
Left fizzing
BUCKS Fizz singer Cheryl Baker was on the telly this week talking about the eight hours she was stuck in her car because of the snow down south.
Someone who knows way too much about their Eurovision hit Making Your Mind Up tells us: "She of all people should know that to drive in snow you gotta speed it up, and then you gotta slow it down."
Run for your life
JOGGING continued. Dave Martin recalls a former colleague at Grove Academy in Broughty Ferry coming to work a bit bruised and battered after going for a run the previous evening.
Limping, he said: "I ran into a spike in the ground and gashed my shin. Then I carried on running, keeping an eye on the ground and knocked my head against a branch.
"I decided to go back on the road and got clipped in the elbow by a van's side mirror."
"Why do you do it?" he was asked.
"I like to keep fit," was his rather dubious answer.
Losing game
OUR man at the Cheltenham Festival heard a fellow Glaswegian voice in one of the bars at the course yesterday. The Glasgow chap was telling his pals: "So now I know – not every hot tip you get from a drunk here will actually win."
Fire sign
ORGANISATIONS normally known for their seriousness are often a bit more relaxed on their Twitter accounts.
London Fire Brigade yesterday tweeted: "If you see black smoke billowing from anywhere other than the Vatican today, give us a bell, it's probably not a good sign."
Tweet appeal
TALKING of which, we wonder if old sayings should be rewritten to reflect modern life. Surely granny's admonition: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," should now read: "If you don't have anything nice to say, put it on Twitter."
Any other examples?
Straight line
WE mentioned Alex Gordon's new book The Awakening, charting Celtic's performances during the 1960s, and it would be remiss of us not to pass on a tale about Jimmy Johnstone who took Tommy Gemmell fishing in order to show off his new Jaguar car.
Tommy was giving directions, and at one point told Jinky: "Straight through the roundabout, wee man."
Jimmy took him at his word and drove straight over the roundabout, through flower beds, and down the other side.
As Tommy expressed his annoyance, Jinky merely replied: "Well, you said straight through."
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article