OUR dining tale reminds Craig Bradshaw: "My dad went to a posh hotel in Belfast for dinner where the waitress took his order, which included a starter of prawns Marie Rose.
"Ten minutes later she apologetically reappeared and asked him if he'd like to change his order to prawns Marie Celeste – as the kitchen had run out of prawns."
BUCKS Fizz singer Cheryl Baker was on the telly this week talking about the eight hours she was stuck in her car because of the snow down south.
Someone who knows way too much about their Eurovision hit Making Your Mind Up tells us: "She of all people should know that to drive in snow you gotta speed it up, and then you gotta slow it down."
Run for your life
JOGGING continued. Dave Martin recalls a former colleague at Grove Academy in Broughty Ferry coming to work a bit bruised and battered after going for a run the previous evening.
Limping, he said: "I ran into a spike in the ground and gashed my shin. Then I carried on running, keeping an eye on the ground and knocked my head against a branch.
"I decided to go back on the road and got clipped in the elbow by a van's side mirror."
"Why do you do it?" he was asked.
"I like to keep fit," was his rather dubious answer.
OUR man at the Cheltenham Festival heard a fellow Glaswegian voice in one of the bars at the course yesterday. The Glasgow chap was telling his pals: "So now I know – not every hot tip you get from a drunk here will actually win."
ORGANISATIONS normally known for their seriousness are often a bit more relaxed on their Twitter accounts.
London Fire Brigade yesterday tweeted: "If you see black smoke billowing from anywhere other than the Vatican today, give us a bell, it's probably not a good sign."
TALKING of which, we wonder if old sayings should be rewritten to reflect modern life. Surely granny's admonition: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," should now read: "If you don't have anything nice to say, put it on Twitter."
Any other examples?
WE mentioned Alex Gordon's new book The Awakening, charting Celtic's performances during the 1960s, and it would be remiss of us not to pass on a tale about Jimmy Johnstone who took Tommy Gemmell fishing in order to show off his new Jaguar car.
Tommy was giving directions, and at one point told Jinky: "Straight through the roundabout, wee man."
Jimmy took him at his word and drove straight over the roundabout, through flower beds, and down the other side.
As Tommy expressed his annoyance, Jinky merely replied: "Well, you said straight through."
We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis. If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules, which are available here.
Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.