VEGETARIANS – it's not right to make fun of them, but that doesn't stop folk from trying.
A call centre worker in Glasgow said they were on their lunch break when a young woman in their team brought out a plastic container of pasta. "You do know," said another member of the team with a straight face, "that pasta is made from meat?"
"Is it?" asked the now worried-looking young woman.
Par for the course
AN AYRSHIRE reader tells us a truism he heard in his golf club the other day. A member at the bar declared: "Chaps who do imaginary golf swings in the office never break 100 on the course."
Cue for an idea
ST ANDREWS University is still a great magnet for American students. A Scottish student there tells us about one American undergraduate loudly complaining: "I'm going to apply for an Irish passport. I just hate having to stand in the 'Non-EU' queue at the airport."
Where's the beef?
WE'RE trying not to mention Rangers for a change, but it crept up on us when we wrote about food firm Baxter's latest acquisition. Reader John Paterson in Dowanhill tells us: "Your story reminded me of when Jock Stein's Celtic were top of the tree in both Europe and domestically. The story told at the time was that Juventus were interested in John Hughes, and Fray Bentos were interested in John Greig."
What's my line?
CEREBRAL graffito continued. James Milne in Edinburgh writes: "Many years ago as an apprentice in a large Edinburgh engineering company my attention was distracted from the newspaper I was reading in the toilet by a faint line drawn on the wall in the shape of a quadrant. Curious, I followed the line towards the floor to find a small stencilled note informing one that you are now performing your abltuions at an angle of 65 degrees."
A WEST End reader overhears a Sauvignon-swilling woman in an Ashton Lane bar musing on the passage of time. "You know you're getting old," she told the folk with her, "when your friends start having kids on purpose."
THE troubles of Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger, criticised for signing few players this season, were not forgotten at Glasgow's Petershill Park at the weekend when Arsenal Ladies came to play leading Scottish women's side Glasgow City. One travelling Cockney chap in a kilt, when the announcer welcomed several new signings in the Glasgow City line-up, burst into a solo chorus of "Spend more than Wenger/Even you spend more than Wenger'."
Paying the syntax
WE return to the subject of social media with a reader telling us one of the rules of Facebook. She explains: "You know you are losing an argument on Facebook when you are reduced to correcting the other person's grammar."
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