A DIARY fan in Partick spots in a rival newspaper yesterday the claim that "Sixteen-year-olds are drinking twice as much as they did 10 years ago" and he thinks to himself: "Well they would do – they were only six then."
DATING it seems is still a complicated business. A reader in a Byres Road pub heard a young student-type tell his pal that he had split up with his girlfriend. The chap then added: “The day after she dumped me she phoned to ask how you change your relationship status on Facebook.”
Wheely good idea
MARTIN Morrison in Lochinver tells us: “My local bar has a sign in the window saying ‘Cyclists welcome’. Oh aye? Well, I cycled in and got told to dismount and leave my bike outside. Some welcome.”
Up in smoke
THE rollicking stage show Over the Top with the Tartan Army is at The Shed in Shawlands this week, and Glasgow’s Classic Grand next week.
It reminds a reader of the Scotland supporter bemoaning the fact that not enough of the Tartan Army knew about Scotland’s history and he asked: “How many of you know about the Declaration of Arbroath?”
“We make the best smokies in the world?” guessed one of the chaps with him.
“ANOTHER unnecessary instruction,” says Bob Forsyth in Uplawmoor. “On the top of Sainsbury’s milk cartons ‘Store upright after opening’, to which it might have added, ‘Or it makes an awful mess in the fridge’.”
TRAINSPOTTING author Irvine Welsh recalls in the book of fans’ reminiscences, We Are Hibernian, of travelling to Hungary for the match against Videoton where pal Jimmy fell asleep with a bottle of wine beside a lake, and missed the game.
Afterwards locals told Irvine it was not a lake, but a reservoir, which was filled up at night.
Recalls Irvine: “We ran up. Jimmy was still lying there, the water up to his neck.
“We were chucking these stones in and the water’s splashing all over him, and when he came to, he thought we had somehow put him in the resevoir. It was like the closing credits of the Benny Hill Show as he chased us back into town.”
Ah, happy days.
New broom sweeps clean
WE like a council with a sense of humour. A report just published by Fife Council on street cleaning states: “Fife’s street cleaning service underwent major restructuring, commonly referred to as ‘Sweeping changes’.”
YOU would be hard-pressed to find a laugh in school-killing-spree film We Need to Talk About Kevin from Glasgow director Lynn Ramsay.
But Deedee Cuddihy stayed to watch the film’s credits and noticed they included “guinea pig costumer”, a job about which, until now, we had been unaware.
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