A BIG talking point in the Glasgow news yesterday was the three women arrested at the Grosvenor cinema in the West End during a screening of the erotic film Fifty Shades of Grey after a fellow cinema-goer was allegedly attacked. Reader John Cavani in Saltcoats wondered if putting the three women in handcuffs really was the right punishment.

OUR story of the confusion at football when the trainer shouted at the chap with the surname Cross: "Shoot Cross!" reminds Hugh Brennan: "The first year rugby teams at Ayr Academy used to have fixtures against Cambusdoon Preparatory School. A friend who played in some of these games told me of the confusion in the ranks when excited local mummies would encourage their boys with shouts of 'Up Doon, up Doon'."

STRANGE addresses continued. Roy Templeton says: "My annual pension statement from Aviva the other day was addressed to me at 'Beauly, Inverness-shire, ARCTIC'. As my wife pointed out, 'That'll be a frozen pension then'."

WE'VE mentioned before the rise in internet dating. A Glasgow reader tells us his single pal was debating dating a woman on one such site but then said: "No, I'm not going to. She's on three dating sites so sounds a bit desperate to me."

When our reader asked him how he knew she was on three dating sites he explained that he was also on all three.

SO how is the lower drink/driving levels affecting Scotland? Paul Drury in Glasgow was in his local supermarket and tells us: "I was stunned to witness an altercation in the drinks aisle where two elderly spinsters were locked in a tug-of-war over a single bottle of wine. One of them came up with the argument, 'Put it back. You don't need it. Besides, the polis will just nab you in the morning'."

THE Herald news pages yesterday carried the story of tourist bosses giving Scottish tourist attractions Mandarin names to help Chinese visitors. Says David Donaldson: "There is a simpler existing solution that would be easily understood by Scot and Chinese alike. You arrange all these Scottish sights and attractions in a list on a big folded card and give them all numbers."

Other readers suggested a Diary competition, with Norman Ferguson suggesting the West Highland Way would be translated as Wan Lang Wok. But we fear that would quickly tumble down into dreadful puns, so we'll pass.

NORTHERN TV presenters Ant and Dec have chipped in their tuppence worth on the General Election by declaring that although they are traditional Labour voters, they can't see Ed Miliband as Prime Minister. Not particularly impressed, Tom Jamieson tells us: "The Ant and Dec opinions I'm interested in - which D-list celebrity will be forced to eat kangaroo anus. Not interested in - who will be PM."

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to interrupt us with: "My computer has crashed. Now all the other computers have slowed down to have a good look at it."