The Diary: How to cell yourself

Diary Editor

Friday 9 September 2011

WE asked for your student stories now that the unis are going back, and Russell Smith tells us about a medical student friend doing a clinical examination on the ward during his final year.

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Ken Smith

The old lady in the bed was trying to help him in his diagnosis, and quietly told him: “I know I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I heard two doctors saying I don’t have two neurones to rub together.”

Funny by gas lightAND John Breckenridge in Kilmarnock, a Glasgow uni student in the 1960s, tells us: “I shared a flat owned by a somewhat eccentric Irish landlady, Mrs H. Returning to the flat one afternoon, we found her on hands and knees in our sitting room with a lit candle in one hand.“When asked what she was doing, she said, ‘I smelled gas so I thought I would have a look for the leak.’“It’s the only time in my life I have seen someone rugby-tackle a burning candle.” Pride comes before a fa’A READER visiting Lord Nelson’s HMS Victory in Portsmouth tells us that the tour guides naturally take the history of the ship very seriously. And our reader tells us it just had to be a Scottish voice that shouted out on the tour, when the guide reverently pointed out the plaque on the spot where Nelson fell: “I’m no surprised. I nearly tripped ower it ma’sell.”From barra boy to merchantSUPERMARKET chain Morrisons are building a supermarket beside the Barras in the Calton, one of Glasgow’s more blighted areas with the lowest life expectancy in the country. A reader passing the Glasgow Regeneration Agency offices spotted an advertisement for training for jobs at the supermarket, which itdescribed as being in the “Lower Merchant City”.“Seems it’s not just the Scottish Tory Party that wants to cover up its dark past with a new name,” says our reader. The water of lifeA LANARKSHIRE reader peruses the SNP Government’s just-issued Programme for Scotland and notes that it states: “Our iconic water environment attracts visitors and underpins key activities such as whisky production and golf.”He tells us: “So basically they are boasting it rains a lot when you play golf. Only politicians would try to get away with that as a plus point.” Despot, kettle, black …OUR Westminster contact phones to tell us: “Apparently Colonel Gaddafi has telephoned Tony Blair. The mad war-mongering despot asked for advice on what to do if charged with war crimes.“But it’s not known what advice Colonel Gaddafi gave him.” Humus where the heart isALL we can do is blame reader Jason Ballinger for telling us: “The Greek Government have announced they are cutting back on production of humus and taramasalata. It’s a double-dip recession”

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The Diary: How to cell yourself

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