WE hear about the chap taking his wife to Glasgow's Barrowland for the first time to see a concert and he tells her to look out for its distinctive large neon sign above the front of the venue. As he drove along Gallowgate she suddenly points and says she can see it. She is in fact pointing at the large neon "M" above a Morrison's supermarket. He thought he was quite sharp telling her: "It's not called Marrowland."

A BIT of a stushie in Glasgow city centre where Labour's Jim Murphy and comedian Eddie Izzard were heckled as they walked along the street, with some of the more excitable press calling it "chaos". As Tony Gurney asked: "Genuinely confused. Two men standing on a box to shout at people in Glasgow are outraged because Glaswegians shout back louder. Is that it?"

But we think it was best summed up by Glasgow stand-up Janey Godley who commented: "Apparently Eddie Izzard suffered a violent riot with Jim Murphy in Glasgow. He's clearly never performed at a Glasgow comedy club."

WE like League of Gentlemen and Game of Thrones actor Mark Gatiss explaining in today's Radio Times why he would never appear on Strictly Come Dancing. Said Mark: " I've been asked to be on it many times and have always refused. I would make John Sergeant look like Nijinsky!"

CELTIC midfielder Stefan Johansen was named player of the year in a poll by his fellow professionals. A reader phoned to tell us: "And Ally McCoist was named Gardener of the Year."

THE Royal Baby was named Charlotte. Before the announcement we hear from read Iain Mann who says: "In Jordanhill Church on Sunday a baby was christened "Georgia'. The minister David Keddie commented that it was a very nice name, and he hoped that the Cambridges would choose it for the new arrival. He suggested that "George and Georgia" seemed to go well together."

CHAP in a Glasgow pub was telling his pals that he and his partner were going to have a civil partnership. A drinker further up the bar told them mournfully: "The wife and I used to have a civil partnership, but not any more."

SEEN these folk in the streets looking a bit silly with these e-cigarettes, or vaporisers as they are called? A reader heard a student in Glasgow tell his pal: "The most disappointing moment of my life was when I found out a vaporiser is an e-cigarette and not a death ray that zaps

people. "

AND finally some positive words from a reader who tells us: "Getting your identity stolen is a nice reminder that at least one person out there has a more rubbish life than you and wants to trade places."