WE liked Janey Godley's tweet about Kanye West's eyebrow-raising Glastonbury set: "I once had a bleeding man with samurai sword in a white vest screaming sectarian songs on karaoke in my old pub - sounded better than Kanye."
YOU get a better class of demo in Glasgow.
In the run-up to last year's indyref, some Scots took exception to the reporting of Nick Robinson and the BBC. In his new book, Election Notebook, Nick describes being texted a photograph of a demo outside the Beeb's Glasgow HQ. Most of the protest banners were home-made efforts - but he was struck by a huge banner bearing his photograph. "It is glossy and professionally produced," he writes, almost admiringly. "It will have cost someone not just a few bob but, I suspect, many hundreds of pounds. The question is, who?"
THE following day - Monday, September 15 - Nick, having been alerted by a video posted on Twitter, goes looking for saltire-waving protestors lining the streets of Aberdeen. He and his colleagues discuss how they will handle a 'potentially lively situation', especially if the natives turned against him.
But the protestors are nowhere to be found. All Nick can see is a small Yes stall, run by two very polite ladies. As for the demo? "It turns out," he writes, "a video of a demonstration that happened last night had been tweeted by mistake."
GLESCA' floorshow, continued. Reader Eva Carter was returning to the Montrose Street car park with her sister, who had just bought a new suitcase, when they were assailed by a stentorian voice of an attendant, shouting: "Did ye hiv a guid day at the shopliftin'?
"We just had to laugh," says Eva. "What the other car-parkers thought, I don't know."
She also remembers watching a re-run of Come Dine With Me, which had been filmed in Glasgow. "I'm still laughing at one guest, who said she had worked in a chicken processing factory and was asked if she had pulled the dead chickens' innards out with her hands.
"Quick as a flash, she replied, 'Well, ah didnae pu' them oot wi' a knife an' foark!"
JOHN Mulholland was at a meeting in warm, sunny Manchester, and the English people present were mystified when someone said that in Glasgow, such weather would mean 'taps aff'. To explain the concept, John emailed them a link to the taps-aff website.
The natives duly gazed at the website's declaration: 'Glasgow, the weather is: taps oan... but only by a bawhair!' "Ah, I get it now," said one of the chaps, "but what's a 'bawhair'?"
Sometimes, reflects John, it's best not to get involved.
GREAT story from Greg Hemphill, narrated on Twitter: a waiter in a Chinese restaurant once asked him where he was going on holiday. On being told Las Vegas, he asked Greg if he could get him a Hard Rock cafe T-shirt, as he collected them.
Holiday over, Greg returned with the T-shirt and gave it to the grateful waiter. The man offered him money, but Greg refused.
"How many Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts do you have in your collection now?" he asked.
"Two," came the reply.
Picture: Just what we need first thing in the morning: a wild cat on a roll. Spotted outside an Ardrossan cafe by Elisa Young.
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